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South Beach
At dawn, the promise of salt and sea grass
rolls over the dunes
spilling into the steamy funnel of Ocean Drive.
Riding the white light of the early morning sun, a rustle
of Atlantic air caresses
the glass and stucco skin of a synthetic city
that still slumbers;
dreaming of the tropical fruit cocktails
and open flame entrees
that seduce passing pedestrians
after dark.
As the sun rises and falls in its unconditional arc,
it works the musky odor of human sweat into
the sticky sweet passion of shea butter and coconut
until stark white lines
flash against bright red skin
in a blinding, painful eruption of satisfaction.
The smothering exhaustion
of diesel and humidity
drags the afternoon sun, limping
beneath the western horizon.
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Comment by: R Dayle - 2007-08-13 01:17
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You definitely have a knack for connecting coherent metaphor to objects surrounding an experience. You tend to a potential thats more invigorating then a direct pull to grandiose outcomes, and I do believe that thats when the capacity of Autobiography becomes reachable.
Keep up the good work. |
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Comment by: - 2007-07-26 11:15
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I like how your first verse makes the sea seem so powerful and carefree. The second verse was my favorite, put a lot of suggestive images into my mind that were interesting to think about. Your sensory details were the strongest part of this poem; they did a wonderful job at making the reader feel like they were there experiencing all these things.
This is an excellent piece, it comes to life right off the page with ease. Thanks for posting. :) |
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This is very vividly descriptive. I can see the sun setting behind a cloud of smog. I couldnt' find an edit; not even a tiny spelling one lol. My favorite lines are: "The smothering exhaustion
of diesel and humidity
drags the afternoon sun, limping
beneath the western horizon. " Thank you for a wonderful read. |
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Comment by: zepol - 2007-07-23 20:31
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| Tricia this is very descriptive. This is an excellent piece. I'm glad I read it. thank you. |
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