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Daydreambeliever
Busanee Dominguez
Germany, Bavaria, Burglengenfeld

Words: 99
Access: Public
Comments: 4

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Antique Clock

A winter wind blows through the open window, cold fingers wind their way through the house. Feet shuffle, noses sniffle as the cold air is joined by warm bodies. The nightly ritual has begun; exhaled breath turns solid. Everyone's in place, ears strain to hear the faint ticking sounds emanating from ahead and eyes look to their ritualistic spot. All wait as hands move towards their destination when they will become as one. Twelve bellows pierce the silent night and all eyes look to the empty spot. There are murmurs of approval as bodies shuffle back to bed.

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Comments  
onipar1 Comment by: onipar1 - 2007-08-10 11:20
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Wow. This has a great creepy atmosphere. It just raises all these questions that I'm not even sure I want answered. Very immediate and haunting. I like that these wanderers in the house aren't given features. They are simply described as their functions: shuffling feet, sniffling noses, straining ears.

What you've accomplished here, for me, is a great mysterious atmosphere.
icy Comment by: icy - 2007-08-01 04:59
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Aw that's awesome! One thing - as it's supposed to be 100 words exactly and you've written 99, why not expand "Everyone's" to "Everyone is"?
kayc Comment by: kayc - 2007-07-31 18:56
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Very nice! Great use of senses-
symonnetorpy Comment by: symonnetorpy - 2007-07-31 18:17
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i really liked this piece. it brings back memories i didnt even know i had, and it takes the reader on a journey through their own past. i got from this that you were talking about new years eve, however i like to think that it could apply to any day.. the rituals of the human race, wide and wonderful.
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By Daydreambeliever

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