I thought I'd start a blog about my five year old son Jonah who has autism. He's wicked funny and I'm sure he will provide a never ending source of material for me to write about.


July 29, 2007

I took Jonah to the Albany Autism Society's picnic today. Amy stayed home. When we got there we were greeted by two people simultaneously. The first was a nice woman named Cindy who was in charge of the shindig. The other guy, whose name I didn't catch, was quite the character. At first I was a little off-put by him. For one thing, I'm short and he towered over me. He was very interested in us, and he obviously was not playing with a full deck. However, soon enough I was at ease when I realized the not-full-deck he was playing with was of Old Maid cards.

'H-Heeey, Hi, who are you two?'� he said.

'This is Jonah and I'm Andy'� I replied.

'Ho-Hooow old is Jonah?'�

'He's five.'�

S-so,-s-s-so, he was born in 2001.'�

Now for the life of me I can't remember what year Jonah was born. (Now I know it was 2002) I tell the guy I thought it was 2001 or 2002. Meanwhile, a voice floats over to us from under the pavilion. It tells me I'm talking to such-and-such (I still didn't get his name) and he is really into birthdays.

Cindy is trying to talk to me too. She's also trying to give Jonah this little fan. Probably for two reasons: it's hot out and many autistic people like spinning things. Jonah is no exception - he is a spinning maniac. However, it's not working quite right because she got a batch of bad batteries. This is ticking Jonah off. He falls on the ground, lies there, and whines inconsolably.

This guy is starting to crack me up, but not in a mean way, so I don't fight it. I don't try to hide my laughing any more in situations like these. Jonah is always amusing people, but they are not sure whether to laugh or not. I tell them, 'Go ahead. You aren't going to hurt his feelings or anything. Amy and I laugh at him all the time.'�

So I ask Jonah, 'What year were you born?'� He doesn't respond; he's too busy crying. Plus, he doesn't talk. He's not much help in these situations. Meanwhile, I'm still getting peppered with questions about what day and month Jonah was born. Jonah's little fan is still only working sporadically.

The picnic flyer had mentioned we were supposed to bring a dessert. My new friend spies the one we brought.

'W-what's that? W-hat did you bring?'�

'It's a dessert.'�

'W-whaaat kind is it?'�

'I don't know exactly. My mom made it. I had some this morning. It's really good.'�

He is obviously a little disappointed at my inability to identify it. He changes tactics. 'S-so you don't know what it is? D-Do you know what's in it?'�

'Blueberries, ummm, some kind of crisp-type topping. I know it's sugar-free.'�

'T-thaaat does sound good.'�

Now at this point someone starts to come over to us. My friend gets this nervous look on his face and beats his feet, saying, 'I-I have to go, I-IIII'm not really supposed to be talking about this stuff.'�

I say bye and think ' Hey, as far as small talk goes at parties, this was wasn't so bad at all. It was amusing and I felt welcomed.

"OK Jonah," I say, "It's party time."

Jonah eats a hot dog, goes swimming, then goes over to the park. When we get back to the pavilion they are cleaning up. They still have the desserts and drinks out and Cindy says help youself. I get Jonah a cupcake and a drink.

Now on the other side of the pavilion there is this kid who was maybe 13 or 14 years old. He is very "normal" looking, blonde and tan. Actually he is the type of kid young girls would have a crush on. He is pacing back and forth behind a guy wearing a "volunteer" T-shirt. They are obviously together.

Now this kid has some sort of I-pod, head set, walk-man thing. It must have a speaker, because as we are just sitting down he says, "Cheeeeeeeeeeeeeesssse."

Maybe a couple people look over but nobody says anything. Such an occurence at this type of venue is par for the course. And so about every thirty seconds or so this kid, still pacing, says, "Cheeeeeeeeeeeeese."

It's pretty loud because it's magnified. After about the fifth "Cheeeeeeeeeeese," Jonah starts to laugh his ass off. Not because of any of the social implications of the situation, but just because sometimes he laughs at loud, raucous behavior or noises, particularly from older kids. But his laughing, which has a very normal quality to it, sounds exactly like a normal kid would laugh at some weird kid saying, "Cheeeeeeeeeeeeese" really loud for no reason. So I get a little nervous, not wanting Jonah to offend anyone.

But no one is looking at Jonah either. Everyone is busy talking or cleaning up. Neither Jonah or the "Cheeeeeeeeeeeese" Kid are causing any problems or hurting any feelings.

And for me that's the best things about these get-togethers. Sometimes they can be a little sad or depressing. On the other hand they can be a good time where there isn't a lot or judging going on or a lot explaining needed to be done.

Sometimes I get really tired of explaining.



August 1st, 2007

Got a call from the school nurse today. Jonah was coming in from swimming and was "booking" down the hallway and he fell face first. There was some blood and he had some cuts in his mouth. He also loosened up his front two baby teeth. She was able to quiet him down by giving him some guaze which interested him. She said he was "working at" his front two teeth.

We talked for a while and she was really careful to explain how it all happened. I'm thinking to myself - First of all, you don't have to worry, I think you guys are doing an awesome job with my son. And second, I know my son spends about 98% of his time running when he's not supposed to. When I take him to the pool I yell. "Walk" or "Slow down" or "Don't Run" about once every two minutes. Maybe more. For a short period of time he ran so often and the lifeguards were reprimanding him so often I had to stop taking him. He's a little better now, but he still spends a lot of time on timeouts for running.

My point being, this is a classic case of a parent who isn't going to make waves (ie complaining, lawsuit, meeting) because he knows exactly who his kid is and what he does. Isn't always the case it's the dipwad parents who don't know their kids and don't spend any time with them who would complain in this situation?


August 3rd, 2007

Jonah is very much into Sour Cream and Onion Pringles lately, if I take him to the store I can give him a container and he will be happy while I shop. He likes to take the cap off, pull out a single Pringle, put the cap back on, then munch to his heart's content. Repeat ad nauseum.

Pringles are his constant companion. They are the first food he requests when he wakes up. When we go for a car-ride he likes to bring them along. Yesterday when I put him on the school bus, he had brought them out with him. When I took them away he got hysterical. Today when the bus came he snatched them up and bolted out the door with them. (Very much like an animal) When I took them away from him outside, he lay on the lawn and cried.

He has a very poor and limited diet. Here is a list (of mostly) what he is eating of late;

Hot dogs with catsup
Swanson frozen meals - He eats the corn and chicken strips, but not the fries
Gummi bears
Kraft cheese singles
McDonald's or Burger King
Peanut butter crackers
Cheeze Whiz - You have to squirt it into his mouth, he won't eat it off of a cracker
Pizza
Eggs
Veggie crisp chips
Mac and cheese
Bananas
Cookie
Pasta

Here are some things he was eating, but won't any more;

Whole wheat waffles - He'll request them but once made he won't eat them
Broccoli
Yogurt
Pudding
Apples

He'll drink just about anything but milk. He was drinking milk with strawberry quick in it for a couple of years, but he won't touch the stuff now.


August 28, 2007

Amy, Jonah and I went away to Cape Cod for a couple of days. We met our neighbors there - Sheri, her son Michael and her step daughter Alicia, and our other neighbors Joe and Jen and their children Zach and Samantha. The are great people and this made the trip better than ones we've taken in the past.

Jonah liked the ocean and spent a lot of time walking in and out of it. Once he discovered my sandals he put them on and would walk in and out of the ocean with those on. They would come off once he got into the water, since they are way too big for him. And so, of course, he spent a lot of time putting them back on, over and over again too. A lot of the people on the beach found this amusing.

Other things of note;

Sheri's five year old son Michael keep calling the ocean a lake and I kept correcting him. He never once called it the ocean and I never once failed to correct him.

When Jonah wasn't walking in and out of the "Atlantic Lake" he was swimming in the hotel pool. He can't really swim so I had to stay with him in the water. (I also had follow him every time he went into the ocean, since he went out up to his neck.) I'm very out of shape so by the time we left to go home my body was so achy I felt like I had been kicked by a mule.

Speaking of kicking, Jonah spent about an hour on the return trip home viciously kicking the back of mine and Amy's seats and wailing. Maybe an hour and a half.

Despite all this it was the best trip we ever had with Jonah.


September 5, 2007

Amy, Jonah and I just got back from Target. We had a few things to pick up, but mostly we just went there to kill time. Amy sometimes complains we don't spend enough time together as a family and that we are always just "passing" Jonah back and forth to one another in shifts. I keep telling her that's what all parents do with their children but she doesn't believe me.

Anyway Jonah is usually good at Target. He sits in the cart and we get him a can of Pringles which he gnaws on while we are there. (Yes, I'm sure we went to Target and not to Wal-Mart)

So I'm pushing the cart around and Amy is dawdling around with that glassy-eyed look 98% of all women get when they enter any Target store, when we get to the vitamin aisle. Gummi Vitamin Bears (for Jonah) is actually one of the things we needed, so Amy gets them and goes to put them in the cart. I snatch them away from her, admonish her severely, and place them on the bottom of the cart before Jonah can see them.

Why? Because if Jonah were to see them he would be filled with such wanton desire he would almost certainly raise such a clamor the likes of which Target has never seen (though maybe Wal-Mart has). In other words, he loves wolfing down gummi bears. Amy knows this better than anyone. One time when Jonah was left for about 55 seconds alone in the kitchen, he managed to devour a containers worth. Amy called poison control, but they said if the bears don't have a lot iron in them he should be OK. He was.

So we finish shopping, we get in line, Amy pays, we leave and get in the car head for McDonald's. (Yes I'm sure we weren't at Wal-Mart). Now Amy's rifling through the bags drooling over her newly acquired booty when (did you figure it out Encyclopedia Brown?) Yes, there are no Vitamin Gummi Bears in the bags.

We had left them on the bottom of the cart in the parking lot. So we turn the car around and head back to Target. We are hotly debating what we should do if they are still there. Amy says no way are we paying. Her reasoning: 1) We aren't going back inside Target with Jonah. (solid opening argument) 2) Target is "the man" and it's ok to steal from "the man" 3) We've bought enough stuff from Target anyway. (her best argument in my mind) 4) We didn't do it on purpose, so it's a lesser crime. 5) The Universe wanted us to have them.

That's right - The Universe made us dense and absentminded so we'd forget to pay for the Vitamin Gummi Bears to eventually be rewarded by getting them for free.

No, we did not end up paying for them.

And yes, for the last time, I'm sure this all occured at Target and not Wal-Mart.

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