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dreamer
Suzanne Paton
Canada, Ontario, in the woods somewhere

Words: 399
Access: Public
Comments: 16

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Antique Clock - Wee Stories Challenge #6

tick       tick       tick
She couldn't move, wood consuming her inside its womb.
tick       tick       tick
Inside her head it echoed, subtly invading every crevice of her mind.
tick       tick       tick
Light, blinding light. The woman crawled away from the echo inside her head.
tick       tick       tick
A face emerged, haloed with white light.

 

'Are you ready now?'¯ his voice a soft caress.

 

The woman pleaded, 'Yes, please. I will tell you anything. Anything you want. Just make it stop'¦make it stop.'¯

 

Gently supporting the broken woman, hands covering her ears.

 

He smiled fondly at the antique clock.

 

tick       tick       tick

 

Antique Clock extended version

 

tick       tick       tick
She couldn't move, crumpled inside the wooden womb.  In complete darkness her fingers searched, only to be taunted with the silky smooth texture.
tick       tick       tick
Inside her head it echoed, subtly invading every crevice of her mind.  The sound persisted through her covered ears.

tick       tick       tick

Time lost meaning.  Time consumed her.  Time carved its passage through her mind; stealing her sanity.
tick       tick       tick
Light, blinding light. The woman desperately crawled away from the echo in her head.
tick       tick       tick

Stumbling out of the wooden embrace the woman's body resisted commands after its long confinement.

 

The image of a face emerged, haloed with white light.

 

'Are you ready now?'¯ his voice a soft caress.

 

The woman pleaded, 'Yes, please. I will tell you anything. Anything you want. Just make it stop'¦make it stop.'¯

 

Gently supporting the broken woman who silently shook before him, the man smiled fondly at the antique clock.  Indifferent to the woman's absence the antique clock continued.

 

tick       tick       tick


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Comments  
Teri Comment by: Teri - 2007-08-05 15:25
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Ah, yes, great expansion, Suzie. Shades of some kind of Inquisition. Sorry, that's always in the back of my mind. *wonders why*

The tick tick tick - something I'd normally find extremely annoying - worked in this case. My only suggestion would be to find a way to word the ending:

at the antique clock. The antique clock as unmoved

That repetition, for me, didn't work as well. *claps* Great job.

Teri xo
LadyMoon Comment by: LadyMoon - 2007-08-05 06:08
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Torture by an antique clock! Very nice.
I didn't quite get it at first. Had to work a bit at it.
I enjoyed the take you have on the challenge.
Well done! :)
BettyXYZ Comment by: BettyXYZ - 2007-08-03 14:00
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A macabre srory. I admit the other comments helped me inderstand it. At first I thought she was only hearing the ticking in her head. But the torture meaning makes this even more creepy. A very good read.
dreamer Comment by: dreamer - 2007-08-03 07:55
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Costa, it should be longer...but Karen's challenge was my inspiration so I had to stick to her guidelines. I was glad to hear that people get it now. Thanks for all your wonderful comments.
karjon Comment by: karjon - 2007-08-03 06:17
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At first, 'Wood consuming her inside its womb' - made me think of someone being buried alive - whether intentionally or, that real horror, accidentally.

Then, with the light, the coffin (I assumed it was a coffin), was opened and she was released.

But then, getting to the end, I realised it was a clock she'd been locked in, with the ticking, which would have been soooo loud, driving her nuts.

Hmmm... good, twisted Wee Story, Suzanne.

Cheers

Karen
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