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Better Half
He comes home.
He kisses me.
Then he holds his baby. His oldest son comes down the stairs.
"Hi Dad"
"Hi son"
"Got anything for me today" says the almost-five-year-old boy.
"Um.....yeah I do, which hand." With one hand holding the baby and the other one behind his back the boy says."That one". Not to be fooled by the hand he can see.
Dad opens his hand and says "Look I got you an imaginary race car with a remote control. Here take it."
Without skipping a beat the boy grabs the imaginary remote control car and smiles.
"Here is the remote. Let me show you how it works. Put the car down." says Dad holding a pretend remote control.
The boy sets the car down and the sound effects start in and "Errrrrrr....Errrrrrr....Errrrrrr Look it goes up the walls. And now its under the table...ErrrrrErrrrrErrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr. Crash. Opps I crashed it. Here you try."
Dad hands the boy the imaginary remote and the boy gets to try out the new gift.
The two continue on in this imaginary world for about 10 minutes.
I watch this all from the kitchen.
Amazed.
This is why I married him.
My imagination works only on paper while his embraces the moment.
I love him.
Even more since he has been the father to my children.
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| Wow, nice one. You rarely read work extorting the workings of pure imagination in real life, and not just for literary purposes. You've captured the moment very well. |
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Thanks Teri and Shine
I chucked the last two lines.
My puncuation is horrible and I am ignorant in that sense. I will have a friend edit it for me.
Thanks for the comments |
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Comment by: Teri - 2007-08-08 19:39
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Beautiful, from-the-heart writing. It's nice to see a portrait like this from your eyes. I agree with Barbara. However, if you do keep the lines, I'd get rid of 'soul mates'. Few phrases make my skin crawl like that one, and it's because it's become more than overused.
Some blips in the punctuation, but nothing a strong edit wouldn't fix.
As always, this is just my opinion and you should do with this as you see fit. Thank you for sharing this.
Teri xo |
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| Another fine family portrait. Touching, appealing. One suggestion: I'd end it after "father to my children." The last two lines could be the germ of another essay. This one clearly is about this marvelous man as a father. |
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