writing community
Sign In Here | Lost Password | FREE Sign Up
E-mail: Password:
Remember login  
The place for writers:
Upload your writing in minutes, receive peer feedback from other writers, poets, authors, then get your work published out there in the real world.       Learn how other writers are doing it.

 
inviscera
Stevie Gray
United Kingdom, Oxfordshire, Banbury

Words: 241
Access: Public
Comments: 9

Forward to a friend
Print Version
E-mail this writer E-mail this user 
View Author profile
Add to Readers  




The Official Line

We met at a station
waiting on trains to take us
in opposite directions,
but we fell
instantly
in love
right there on the platform,
and
- all previous travel plans forgotten -
decided to get on the same train,
just for the hell of the journey
and for the sake of being together.

That was the official line
if people asked us how we met,
and I suppose that, in a way,
it's kind of true.

We've passed through countless stations
since that fateful, fictional day,
watched a hundred different landscapes
flicker by outside,
traced nonsense patterns on misted windows,
and talked, and laughed,
and done things that would no doubt
have embarrassed the ticket inspector
if he'd caught us.

And I'm sure I should be bored by now,
of this journey, of this carriage.
I should be looking to get my things together,
to get off at the next stop we pull into.
But I'm not.
Instead,
I find myself just as enthralled,
just as happy,
and every bit as brilliantly
and blindingly in love
as when I first met you on that platform,
when you asked me to split a fiver/when I
walked into you because I wasn't
looking where I was going/when you noticed
the book I was reading and struck up
a conversation/when eyes met across a crowd
of suited commuters disembarking,
or however else it didn't quite happen,
however many miles ago.

Want to comment on this Poetry?
Sign up to Edit Red and you will be able to comment on Poetry and get access to: Upload your own stories and poems, get readers and their feedback, promote your work...
Sign up






[Back to top]
Comments  
DanielHumphry Comment by: DanielHumphry - 2007-10-25 06:08
Add to Readers
      
this particularly struck a chord with me as i have a very romantacised view of travelling by train.
I expect every time to find my next great love. This piece began with thought i have had about how it may happen and then took me off in a distance i had not looked so far into.
Adding memories to my fantasy, surely the sign of a fantastic piece of writing!
Daniel
mitra Comment by: mitra - 2007-10-10 20:04
Add to Readers
      
Thanks for sharing your work.. always a great feeling to be able to read them. You make a complex situation to put into poem seem so effortless.
DamienDread Comment by: DamienDread Online- 2007-08-11 08:36
Add to Readers
      
Awww
You stirred the starry-eyed, love sick poet that has long been dead and dismembered, somewhere inside me. I actually sighed. Cliched or not, I loved it !!!
That's the spirit, darling !!! Keep up the great work !!!
!!!!
The added exclamation points are for Teri, cuz she loves exclamation point s!!!!

Infernally yours,
Damien Dread
Violet Blue Comment by: Violet Blue - 2007-08-09 04:34
Add to Readers
      
At last some new Inviscera stuff. The whole train/journey metaphor could have been cliched, but I guess this feels real to me so it's not a metaphor. I guess things like this happen to us when we're least expecting it, Stevie. That happened to me. I sent this flippant, snotty message to a girl in California in June 2004, and now Caroline and myself are planning our fiance visa together. I hope that train keeps moving for you for a very long time.

Paul :D

PS: I hope you've got a safety on that gun, Ms Inviscera - otherwise you'll be taking out some innocent bystanders. And put a top on, will you? Otherwise you'll end up with chilblains.
digs Comment by: digs Online- 2007-08-08 06:24
Add to Readers
      
Sorry I can't be more helpful, but this is really good.
1 2 Next

Sponsored Ads


Added to Library of:

DamienDread (Online)
1

By inviscera

Featured Writers

Advertising - Terms & Conditions - Short Story Submissions - Contact - Writing Competitions - Writing Links - Book Promotion - Sky-Tribe.com - alanemmins.com
  Member short stories, poems, comments and other contributions are owned by the poster.
Copyright 2003 - 2007 Edit Red I/S