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October Evening.........
October evening's
On a cool October evening,
my love and I stroll hand in hand,
admiring natures art,
painted in red and gold
along a canvas road.
The sun begins to set ,
causing shadows to creep,
and we walk along the motley blanket
until we too,become creeping shadows.
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| romance well painted in words |
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Comment by: sarra - 2007-10-31 19:27
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| I really liked this! Simple yet so full of emotion and sensation. I loved the ending, forming shadows as well. ^_^ |
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| Tranquility during the autumn nighttime. I felt a little more relaxed after I finished reading this poem. Very nice job, and thanks for all the wonderful comments you left on my poems! Sorry I haven't gotten around to looking at your work until now. |
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I personally liked the "Motley blanket" line best. It stuck out at me and the phrase kind of got caught in my mouth, making me feel the need to read the poem over again, which is the perfect thing to put near the end of a poem, since you want us to read it again, right?
One little thing bugs me - I think "natures art" should be "nature's art"
Also, the title is strange... why the apostrophe? (am I missing something?)or maybe it should be "October Evening's..."
One more tiny nitpick: add a space after the comma (we too,) |
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| I also loved "along a canvas road". very nice. |
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