 |
 |
 |
| |
"Advice from a caterpillar." PART ONE: It's a play and I guess I'm the caterpillar.
PART TWO:
[ So the caterpillar ( in this scene being moi )
says to the boy with his shoes untied (being vous) ]
Caterpillar: Hmmmm.... if only I knew why the sand in the hour glass falls instead of floats; if only I felt hate instead of love, or love instead of hate, so that I could feel everything; if only I knew what was worth saying and what was worth thinking; if only ... I knew anything that wasn't in the end, useless.
curtain--
( The boy crawls out from underneath the red velvet curtain onto the apron of the stage; his hair is disheveled and glasses askew. He looks out to the audience. No one is in the house. NO one has come to see this absurd and ridiculous play, but the boy continues his performance anyway.)
The boy: ( He looks back towards the curtain ) ... dumb squiggly ass doesn't know shit about my problems!
(He throws his hands up in the air like Sally Field in Steel Magnolias when she's at her daughter's funeral. "WHiiiiiiiiY? WHiiiiiiiiY? - no - no!")
( A girl pokes her head up from the last row. She's run away from home and has been in the theater for the last ten minutes. It's the best place to hide. She's having a hard time staying though because this play sucks.)
The girl: HEY! Shut up already. You're a terrible. I'm not laughing, or crying. You're giving me nothing.
( The boys eyes widen. There's an audience after all. He jumps off the stage and runs up the center aisle. There is a huge chandelier overhead that coruscates light. He trips on his laces, and when he stands up the girl is right in front of him)
The girl: Hi
The boy: uh... Hi
The girl: What are you ranting on about? Why what? You're so over acting.
The boy: Well.... I have a problem. I don't know how to say I love you to more than one person.
The girl: Oh (She blows her bangs up with her breath). Yeah, I've read that play. Well, my mom used to read it to me. It's pretty good but that caterpillar, he's hopeless. What the hell is he talking about anyway?'
The boy: I DON'T KNOW (His hands open like star fish) Thats why I was asking why?
The girl: Oh. It looked like bad drama, which is the worst because it's gives the impression as though it's trying to win, but it so loses. I prefer extremely pathetic drama. Like Jerry Springer, because then it's funny, which turns into being sad.
The boy: Oh. ... ok.
The girl: Look, I always thought the ending was confusing too, but then that was when I was a kid. I didn't care about questioning love because all I did was love. We don't think about it when we're wee little. Why is it even an issue? I mean love is love so just love and feel good about it right?
The boy: Uh ...
The girl; If you love, love. If you hate, hate. If you need to fart, well ... be polite, but no one is going to scold you for doing what we all do.
The boy: OH. So you're saying ... do what you gotta do, just be polite about it? Love one person. Love two persons. No one is going to get mad.
(The caterpillar comes crawling out from side door with a cigar in his mouth, a big belly full of buffet donuts)
Caterpillar: Hey there missie, don't be giving the boy advice that's my part.
The girl: Yeah, well, you suck. He's confused. No one gets your proverbial slang anyway.
Caterpillar: I can call the cops ya know.
The girl: Ahh shut up. Eat another donut. Leave us alone.
The boy: Gee... thanks (He smiles, but gets embarrassed. Smiles again becasue he doesn't care, If he loves, then love right? If he likes, like right? If you smile, smile.)
The girl; Sure, no problem. Look, it took me awhile to get the meaning of that play. My mom read it to me like four times. She really wanted me to understand. The night before she left us, she said to me by my pillow, "love is like a light that no one knows where the electricity comes from. Sometimes it goes out and you don't know when its coming back. So when you feel it, let it shine for as long as you can, and don't be afraid. If it lights one room, then thats something. If it lights two, than thats twice as good. If it lights a city, than be brave and call the circus."
The boy: That kinda makes sense.
The girl: Yeah. Too bad she had to runaway. Fuckin' bee-otch. (She stretches her arms up as though she's yawning) I guess we all gotta do what we gotta do.
The boy: But how do we know what we gotta do?
The girl: (She lowers her chin with a grimace) Silly ... you gotta follow your heart.
( The curtain starts rising. The caterpillar is sitting center stage on a shitake mushroom puffing on a hooka. The lights dim in the theater and another actress comes out on stage. She s wearing a white and blue dress and has long blond hair.)
The girl: OH -- goody. This is so much better.
( She pulls the boy down and they sit Indian style on the floor in the middle of the aisle)
The boy: What is it?
The girl: DUH. It's Alice in Wonderland.
-- scene end
Want to comment on this Flash Fiction?
Sign up to Edit Red and you will be able to comment on Flash Fiction and get access to: Upload your own stories and poems, get readers and their feedback, promote your work...
|
 |
|
[Back to top]
|
|
 |
Comment by: onipar1 - 2007-09-08 08:08
|
|
As i said, I really like this as a short story, and I'm actually sort of glad that's what you intended. I've always had a soft spot for experimental work, in form and structure, or style as it were.
As for tightening it, there are two general methods I use, depending on the story. I either tighten based on plot, or based on theme. In this instance, I'd suggest tightening based on theme.
Amy Hemple has this thing called "Running Horses." Basically it's a main theme that recurs throughout a story. I'd say if you picked out a major theme and worked it through this story, it would feel more complete. Maybe you want to use the "follow your heart" idea, maybe something else.
Also, something that might be cool is to work the Alice in Wonderland allusion through the entire piece. Not too obvious at first, but using just little hints of phrasing and images. It might be cool to actually have the girl in the audience be the one to jump on stage and play the part of Alice in the end. Not sure why...just a thought really.
Anyway, just some rambling ideas that crossed my mind. All opinion of course. Take what you like, leave the rest.
I'd like to see this again in the future, after a revision.
-Tony |
|
|
Thanks for the comments
-this is by all means not intended to be a real play, but more of a little experiment of cross genre, leaning more towards the short story side.
Im not referencing any play, but I would like to investigate that a little further to give the story a sort of underlying texture to it. I did think of the caterpillar in 'Alice in Wonderland'; but honestly, it was the point of inspiration. It came back to me at the end of the writing.
And no, there isn't really a part Two or part One; it's one silly whole of a shindig.
( The way it came about was: I friend of mine was, or is, going through a personal dilemma. He sent me an email that opened: Okay 'Advice from a Caterpillar' - Its a play and I guess your the caterpillar. That was all he mentioned. After that he went into his actual problem. I however thought it was so cute and clever that I responded with what you read above.
Theres something there but I'm not quite sure how to tighten it. I'm waiting for a great idea to hit me. If you have any suggestions, I'd love to hear them."
m. |
|
Comment by: onipar1 - 2007-09-01 07:32
|
|
This was really interesting. At first, I was under the impression that it was an actual play that you're writing. But after reading a bit, I am now thinking that it's just a very clever short story. I say this because I'm not sure how you would show an empty house or the lone girl in the audience at an actual play, but then i know very little about theater, so maybe you could...
There were a couple small typos, but nothing too bad.
I still laugh at fart jokes, and this is pretty funny :-)
"The girl; If you love, love. If you hate, hate. If you need to fart, well ... be polite, but no one is going to scold you for doing what we all do."
"Too bad she had to runaway."
*"run away," two words in this instance.
I really enjoyed this. I get the feeling you are referencing a real play, but I'm not sure which one. I think If I knew which one, I'd probably get a whole other layer of meaning in this.
I like the ending with the Alice in Wonderland addition, but I do question the meaning behind it. Did you simply add it in as a joke and because of the connection with the two advice giving caterpillars (played by the same one in this)?
Or is there something deeper I'm missing?
All in all, as I said, I thought this was cleverly done and interesting.
Last question: Is there really a part two? Or was that sort of like "History of the World Part One?" :-) |
| 1 |
|
 |
|
 |
|
|
