A quarrel- 100 without using [the]
It felt great to hold her in his arms again. He turned, rested on his elbows to watch as she slept. She instinctively stirred, and now he was gazing into her brown eyes.
"I've missed you?"
"So have I"
"I wish you wouldn't stay away . . ."
"You asked me to give you time"
"I meant, some time to think."
"I gave you time."
"You take things to extremes."
"You can't have it both ways," he countered as he exited their bedroom. There was no getting past this quarrel. He could almost hear her muffled cry as he showered.
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| Hey, thanks! I missed that "the" completely. |
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Comment by: Legion - 2008-03-12 10:05
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Whoa! Easy ladies, I see no blame being placed here by the author. In fact, this is a great example of an almost clean fight. Other than the female in the piece hinting at past instances where she felt he took things to extremes before, they stuck to the real issue. Kudos to you, author, for doing so.
You missed a ‘the’ though.
he countered as he exited the bedroom.
Make it his, her, or their bedroom and you have it solved.
Rabableo: Why do guys always do what? Call it as they see it? Make a woman accountable for her words? Expect her to say what she means and mean what she says without playing mind games? I think you projected a lot of baggage into the piece that wasn’t there. Feel free to get back at me through my work though. :D |
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| I notice most of the commments on this piece are from women, lol! It's always the man that gets blamed! I like this little snapshot, it reflects how easily communication can break down and how fragile some channels really are. Nice one. |
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great dynamics... I liked the dialogue, it set up the following action well so that we got a great idea on the games people play when they need the reaction.
'He could almost hear her muffled cry as he showered.' Would it be right to assume he was listening for it despite his aloof front?
Your characters enter and exit this piece with strong voices. Great stuff! |
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Why do guys always do that? Great work here. You ahve captured the strange way in which men, mostly, pretend not to understand what the woman is saying. Its like they pinish her for expressing how she feels and then she is the one who ends up feeling guilty for hurting HIM! You most probably guessed I ccan relate to this, pretty obvious.
I loved it. Thanks for the ejoyable read. |
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