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MysticSeamaiden
Dreama Jenn
United States, il, chicago

Words: 62
Access: Public
Comments: 6

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Once

Once you smelled sweet with life

Nurture embedded within hot roasted peanuts
Redolences of love from street vendors peddling roses
Encouraging sense of hope in your crisp lake breezes

Now you smell rancid with expiry

Inflicting despair within your disregarded sweating homeless
Stench of hatred from street gangs peddling crack-cocaine
Obloquy embedded within cold bloodied bodies

Once you smelled sweet with life

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Comments  
MysticSeamaiden Comment by: MysticSeamaiden - 2007-08-30 11:07
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Wow Thank you guys. This comes from me returning to Chi-town ten yrs later and I was so upset at at badly the city has gotten. Dont get me wrong there are still plenty of beauty here, but always with an underlining stench of lost.
bjustus0520 Comment by: bjustus0520 - 2007-08-22 05:19
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I like the blunt honesty (what some might call brutality) in your work. I love the way the poem opens and closes with the same line.
mafsa Comment by: mafsa - 2007-08-22 03:38
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short but alive!

Once you smelled sweet with life
-i like how you started and finished the poem with this one!

Now you smell rancid with expiry
-sharp blow,

thanks for sharing!
Promking007 Comment by: Promking007 - 2007-08-21 20:45
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Good yin/yang of a relationship gone bad. Like the bookends;)
carriedale Comment by: carriedale - 2007-08-20 11:02
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so vivid and true to life, many places suffer the same way. I like how you tied everything together with the repetition of "Once you smelled sweet with life"- was a good choice to do so. Thanks for sharing and thank you for reading and commenting on my poem "A Letter to my Husband" .
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