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Still thinking
deborshi brahmachari
India, Delhi

Words: 69
Access: Public
Comments: 22

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blame it on time !

Relations cry
Amidst all complexities of life
Time is guilty of an eternal sin

Another day dies
Rendering mortality to emotions
Time curves to expose the unbearable

Truth survives but in vain

We don't even hate each other anymore
Aint it strange

Forever seemed near, obvious rare
Love once gave me a curious stare

Now the emotions have died
Only ashes remain
Truth still survives but in vain

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Comments  
modernexile Comment by: modernexile - 2008-09-07 02:31
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raw emotions get a physical form... enjoyed it...
Still thinking Comment by: Still thinking - 2008-08-20 21:38
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Thanks Tony, will try to keep this in mind for my next endeavors
skypoetone Comment by: skypoetone - 2008-08-20 10:42
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This is cool, my kind of thinking. Personally, I would cut out unnecessary words - it will make your points crystal and serve to strengthen the same, example, the penultimate stanza I would write like this:

Forever seemed near, obvious rare
Love once gave me a curious stare

Great thoughts, great writing ~T
mafsa Comment by: mafsa - 2007-09-03 04:48
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okay, but there's no comma in the poem, if there really is.
:p
rachelle11 Comment by: rachelle11 - 2007-09-02 08:48
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oooohhhh goose bumps! love it:)
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