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blame it on time !
Relations cry
Amidst all complexities of life
Time is guilty of an eternal sin
Another day dies
Rendering mortality to emotions
Time curves to expose the unbearable
Truth survives but in vain
We don't even hate each other anymore
Aint it strange
Forever seemed near, obvious rare
Love once gave me a curious stare
Now the emotions have died
Only ashes remain
Truth still survives but in vain
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| raw emotions get a physical form... enjoyed it... |
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| Thanks Tony, will try to keep this in mind for my next endeavors |
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This is cool, my kind of thinking. Personally, I would cut out unnecessary words - it will make your points crystal and serve to strengthen the same, example, the penultimate stanza I would write like this:
Forever seemed near, obvious rare
Love once gave me a curious stare
Great thoughts, great writing ~T |
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Comment by: mafsa - 2007-09-03 04:48
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okay, but there's no comma in the poem, if there really is.
:p |
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| oooohhhh goose bumps! love it:) |
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