I scuttled around the crowd at the Black Jewish Little People Paraplegic Homosexual Convention without making eye contact. My nervous smile probably made me stick out even more than my Gandalf costume.

I tried do make myself look darker, smaller, impaired and attracted while likewise acting as if I'd lost my Torah. I might as well have been a steaming pile of elephant dung dumped and splattered in the middle of a pre-school play. I could have done nothing more to attract attention.

'Ahem, little sir, do you know where Comicon is being held?'� I asked.

Everything I'm not indeed.