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markbrown
mark brown
United Kingdom, London

Words: 201
Access: Public
Comments: 4

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Niqab

The shopkeeper looks at me suspiciously as I place the coins in his hand.

A black breeze on my face, the material of my veil is not heavy. A woman is created in the space between his cornea and her skin. He is angry that his gaze is obstructed.

All his life he has expected women to provide unthinkingly what he wants. I feel him, resentful, wanting to explore me, to carry a piece of me away in his mind.

He is surprised when I speak, as if fabric could block sound as well as sight.

Men are so limited.

He examines my eyes, imagining me naked and brown, smelling of musk and sweet spices.

Unseen, I am free to transform. I am a creature woven from moss and twigs and wrapped in ivy; a shining lizard, jewelled and rainbowed, secrets of every life in history tattooed across me in angel's script; I am made of pure white light.

To him, I am a shadow, a woman-shaped void.

I have become something else, not a woman, not a man. What possibilities for a new kind of person?

His face says 'hypocrite'.

'Cheat'

Perfume, lipstick, wax.

I buy them for myself.

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Comments  
markbrown Comment by: markbrown - 2007-09-06 10:20
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Hi,

thanks for the comments.

I'm very fond of Niqab, though editors seem to have been less so. It's been bounced back from two or three publications. I thought drawing parallels between radical feminism and religious observance would be a sure fire winner...

If anyone has any ideas for a print magazine that might fancy it, I'm open to suggestions.

A friend asked whether she could use it when teaching, funnily enough.

Cheers,

Mark
citydweller Comment by: citydweller - 2007-09-06 10:11
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Hello, Mark~

This is an excellent piece.

I especially enjoyed the seventh paragraph ("a shining lizard, jewelled and rainbowed, secrets of every life in history tattooed across me in angel's script; I am made of pure white light"). The ending is spot-on as well.

Are you pitching this story anywhere?


~J.
Teri Comment by: Teri - 2007-08-30 17:18
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Hi, Mark,

Wow. What superb writing with so few words. Your choices of phrasing are amazing. Particular favorites:

A black breeze on my face

a shining lizard, jewelled and rainbowed

I am a shadow, a woman-shaped void.

I better stop or I'll end up quoting the entire piece.

Sorry, but this is a useless review. However, I believe telling a writer something works is just as important as saying when something doesn't. For me, this is perfect as is. That last line is the unbelievable. So much said and implied. And ties it all up very neatly.

Thanks for the wonderful read, Mark. I appreciate it.

Teri xo
jauhar Comment by: jauhar - 2007-08-29 14:07
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Great piece
1

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By markbrown

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