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Breathless
Dreaming,
wishing that I
could move. Just a little.
before the breath - my breath slips fast
away.
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| captured the dream-state well. |
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| This is a number joke I should have included with that wonderfully penetrating critique I hashed out for you a moment ago ... did you know there are only 10 kinds of people? Those who understand binary and those who don't. |
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Ah ... that's it. It's largely about the form! Is there a name for this, or is it something that you've created?
2,4,6,8,2 syllables (I'll have to go back and count the others). ...ah, it works for Decimation (though it counts only 7 in the fourth line) and with Daddy (I like it best, incidentally).
I like "slips fast past" in this one.
I can relate to Breathless, and Daddy is good.
I wish, in this instance, that "slips away" were only 2 sillybaubles. |
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