 |
 |
 |
| |
friends with my ex
he's forgotten
(by necessity)
the important part.
he fell into my arms,
and when trying to climb out,
he forgot
the remarkable coincidences
of mind.
he left them
lost
in the folds of a womanhood
too powerful
(scent and muscle and strong wet tides)
for manly comfort.
he had to believe
that sex was all i could give.
he took my tricks
and flourished them--
voila!
for a woman eager
to be amazed.
he had to forget
i walked along the same edges he did,
loved the same intersections,
understood the same unspeakable
language.
it mattered then;
it doesn't matter now.
except sometimes, when
he acts astonished
that my soul
should be so wide.
Want to comment on this Poetry?
Sign up to Edit Red and you will be able to comment on Poetry and get access to: Upload your own stories and poems, get readers and their feedback, promote your work...
|
 |
|
[Back to top]
|
|
|
|
he's forgotten
(by necessity)
the important part.
//lovely..
he fell into my arms,
and when trying to climb out,
he forgot
the remarkable (coincidences)
/syn for that maybe.. its so..............long.
of mind.
(scent and muscle and strong wet tides)
//very powerful.. wet tides is crazy good.
he had to believe
(that) sex was all i could give.
//not needed one bit..
he took my tricks
and flourished them--
voila!
//terrific.
he had to forget
i walked (along) the same edges he did,
//not needed maybe.
that my soul
should be so wide.
//really could be a verb in there..
syns for spread.. stretch, span, radiate, syns for those.
cool man.
thanks,
T |
|
|
I, like you, felt it noble to hold on the fading friendship of a former paramour. She didn't love me anymore but we figured we could be friends.
Now, I realise that I was thrown free from the wreckage, which tumbles and flips swiftly down the road.
This is what this poem reminds me of.
D.Dread |
 |
Comment by: Dante - 2008-02-02 20:36
|
|
I really enjoyed this piece Suzanne. You've captured an emotion so hard to verbalize and expressed it very eloquently.
My favorite stanza was the fourth. Thanks for sharing, D. |
 |
Comment by: Sophia - 2008-01-17 05:43
|
|
I like the way you say things in quite an unusual way; you take a subject lots of people understand and make it sound new. My favourite parts are:
he had to forget
i walked along the same edges he did,
loved the same intersections,
and
he acts astonished
that my soul
should be so wide.
A very strong piece of writing. |
|
|
| I like the view point and the way you write. I also like that you're a musician - that's why the rhythm is so effective in this poem. It looks like you're no so active in this group. Shame. |
| 1 2 Next |
|
 |
|
 |
|
|
