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They Say She Wore White
I wish I were solid ice
deep artic glacier
no threat of thaw.
Instead I find myself
bent, staring,
at the surface of
the sun through a
reflection off the ice
They say
that she wore white.
Flurries ' these thoughts
now thrown on these scraps of paper
and all I wanted, was for you to stay for breakfast
read the receipts and truthfully say they were good ideas.
But they say they saw her wear white, my permafrost stolen.
She wore white, melting my world
stealing these scraps, only to create
the need for new ones.
I wish I wasn't flesh and blood,
with my temperature absolute '
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| Excellent - Loving this... keep it up and you'll go a long way! |
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I don't think I can read this as an 'objective' reader, because I know what your starting lines were. For some reason it seems you are trying to 'bury' or 'run away' from those lines. Making this poem feel 'detached'.
One of your biggest strengths as a poet is your RAWness. Don't run from it! Use it! |
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| hmm this was an interesting read i found myself going way out in thought then geting droped into a place were i was well kinda lost but good work just maybey not my taste |
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Could I get a little more detail?
What part lost you? |
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Comment by: - 2006-02-05 21:33
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| how about her failing flaw as a title? i like first 2 stanza's and the ending. I got lost in the middle tho. (but by no means am i professional poem critic) |
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