'There are no girls allowed! Besides, you have to able to pee out of a tree to get in our club.'� My brother said.

'Yeah, girls can't pee out of trees!'� agreed my cousin.

I had to prove to them that I, a six year old girl, was just as tough as they were.

'Fine then, I'll jump out!'� I said and I did, which was followed by a fierce scolding and spanking of all of us by my grandmother because my cousins and brother let me jump and me'� Well, I was in trouble for being such a tomboy.

As a child I was strongly encouraged to be, what my grandmother called, 'a little lady.'� I had to sit with my ankles crossed, my back straight, and my hands in my lap. Never was I given permission to do anything that only boys were supposed to do. Granted, my not being allowed to do things rarely stopped me from trying. But, when I was in the presence of an adult, especially relatives, I tried my best to the good little girl that they wanted me to be, so I would grow up to be the ideal wife and mother. At least, that was the idea. I had to become the ideal wife and mother and to become what every man wanted and do everything in my power to keep him happy.

As a young girl, I was raised seeing and believing that men and women had to separate and distinctly different roles. When playing, I was encouraged to play with other little girls. My extended family bombarded me with dolls, play kitchenettes, purses, and anything pink. My first inclination in response to these pressures was to go and climb a tree or make mud pies. It always seemed to me that the boys had more fun and I wanted to be a part of it. Over time, however, I began to enjoy my 'girlie'� toys and games. As I grew older I began to cherish being a girl. I still occasionally played outside with the boys, but more and more I longed to dress up and play house. I can't say when the shift occurred, but at some point I stopped wanting to climb trees and started embracing my role as a female. I followed my mom, aunts, and my grandmother around and watched them cook and clean. When playing with my dolls, I would emulate the women in my life. I would administer medicine, and cook , and clean up after my dolls. When they misbehaved they would get spankings. Looking back, I know now that I was being conditioned and trained to excel in wifely duties and motherhood.

Becoming a wife and mother has always been the main focal point in the lives of the women in my family. Catching a man, making, and keeping him happy were the primary objectives of the women. All aspirations and plans for anything outside of the wifely sort were secondary. From early childhood, to my, now, young adult years, this model has been the one to live by. And it greatly affected my view of my role and identity as a woman. My mother, not being a culprit in this plan to manufacture 'Stepford Wives,'� has been, in the past and presently, made the center of a great deal of controversy. Her unwillingness to adhere to the status-quo has propelled her into the spotlight of judgment and ridicule, leaving her, at times, ostracized. Although, my mother has received a lot of backlash for her views, she created, in me, a good balance, instilling a strong sense of self and encouraging me to pursue my dream. My father too, has had an impressive impact on the formation of my identity, in his teaching me not to settle for less than. I know, I deserve.

Because I was raised with two opposing viewpoints, I have, in the past, found it difficult to find a middle ground. Yet, it is because of the conflict of opinions that I have such a strong sense of self now. The encouragement from my relatives to be a ' girlie girl'� has helped me find my identity as a woman and take pride in that. My parent's opinions helped me not to limit myself to just being a woman. They helped discover myself as an individual, thereby pushing my toward fulfilling dreams and ambitions without settling for less than what I am capable of achieving.

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