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Get Me Out Of Here
The captain stood quietly at the helm, up there, surveying his passengers. Against the wind, his head bobbed loosely on his shoulders, as if attached to a coil of invisible springs, but the action so slow my eyes needed time to adjust. As they did, I withheld myself panicking, for my first thought was, oh God, the man is absolutely smashed from the bottle.
Closer observation made me wiser. There’s obviously a terrible illness at work here, probably Alzheimer, which, however tragic, only enhanced my analysis, for the diagnosis was the same: the man was liable to lose his head.
Published in 'The Wonderful World of Worders(Guide Hall Press 2007... Jen Doherty Compilation)
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Comment by: Falling - 2007-11-30 09:58
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Computers! grr... I was writing and it just decided to do it's own thing, so if you get a couple critiques from me, it's purely accidental.
The ship's captain, his head being the focus, where is he taking these people, and why is he in charge? The observer looks to find, the mental incompacity of this man, who has his very life in his hands yet, can't do anything about the circumstance. A metaphor??? Is this really possibly more than a ship, but governments? I liked this, because if you really think about what you are writing, there is so much said, in few words. I like that. Kingdoms have come and gone because of one crazy leader. Fantastic!!! Make this into a novella, or even a novel. Has a lot of potential for so many people. You have a lot to say, but the reader has to look between the lines. AWESOME! |
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