Some say I am childish.
I am glad because being a child again is my lifelong wish.
I miss my naivety,
And the anxious wait until puberty.
But now I want to go back,
Back to when the only deterrent was a smack.
Now the smack is replaced by a fading conscience.
Even my placidity has been replaced by impatience.
Why do I have such burdensome decisions to make?
Why is my life and more at such stake?
I miss the times when I thought Santa existed.
I argued and told my mother he existed, I persisted.
What happened to hating lies?
Now the teachings of my mother I despise.
The disappointment of sunset has since become my partner's deceit.
The trust and stability of love is wobbling under my feet.
The hunger after forgetting my lunch is now a dire need for a blessing.
Life is hard and I just cannot stop stressing.
If only sleep could be the only thing between myself and happiness.
If only I could feel therapy from leaving my room in a mess.
If only plasters and butadiene could be my broken heart's anaesthetic.
But I wanted to be 'bigger'� which made my mind's thoughts septic.
But being 'bigger'� was something I couldn't resist.
But I am 'bigger'� now and I miss my childhood of being an escapist.
I am the boy who couldn't wait till his voice broke yet hates its hoarseness.
I am the girl who wished she would grow breasts but hates greatness.
By Siyaduma Noël Biniza

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