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MORTAL SIN
Crying.
locked inside myself
never being free
always living in the darkness
a hole deep inside of me.
Hopeless.
that anyone will find the way
or hear the desperate cries
creating a light bright enough
to shine the life back to my eyes.
Fearing.
that the depth of my wounds
are to severe to heal
condemning my soul to its fate
and to the dirt I shall be sealed.
Hating.
The emptyness of my veins
and the red stained on my hands
the devil driving its condemnation
as I continued all its demands
Regreting.
The death, that now surrounds me
and the life that I have shamed
my soul trapped now forever
In a body thats numb and drained.
Written By: Jenni-Leigh O'Leary
copyright 2004 Jenni-Leigh O'Leary
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Comment by: Apollo - 2008-01-08 02:59
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Not to be a totally blunt reader, but I am assuming this is about cutting/suicide, hopefully I'm not too far off. If it is not then disregard the rest of this comment...
You captured the feeling and surroundings perfectly. Your use of 1st person vision of what is happening physically is extremely effective. I hear that I'm fading out while still fighting to survive conflict in your words. Well done.
(like I said if I'm totally off, my bad) |
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Comment by: Basil - 2007-09-19 10:45
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Mmmm,..second work I read from you,..and I'm already becoming a "fan",...
The way you describe our dark side,..the side we try to forget,...try to hide,...very touching,...yet,..so recognizable |
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Comment by: SacredV - 2007-09-13 07:13
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| Thank You Guys.....I Uploaded Quickly (It Is A Poem, I Always Miss That Box But usually catch it After I Upload And Review) And Thank You Mary For The Tweaking....I Fixed Them...I Really Do Appreciate The Comments! =) |
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(hey hun think its been uploaded as a short story - is it a quirky short story or a poem? dint wanna sound ignorant if i was missin somet there!)
"to shine the life back to my eyes" - beautiful line! poss my fave bit. |
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Comment by: mafsa - 2007-09-12 03:17
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Hopless.
>'e'
viens
>veins
condemntion
>condemnation
surronds
>'u'
I'm not sure about the 'hopeless' either because all the other first line words are gerunds. maybe you can change it to 'dreading'.
on the other hand, this poem does its job, to perfectly portray misery. this is beautiful and I like it.
Thumbs up! Mary:p |
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