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moving yellow
it was that day you moved yellow
from the sun to your skin
poison from the bottle,
down into your dreams
you cried because you would never be twenty-three
i cried because I would never be free
was that same day you went lost in my car
maybe looking for churches, maybe looking for bars
i was hoping for the driveway
you cried from the gravel to the door
i cried for not feeling young anymore
was that same day we limped together inside
closing the door from the inside, fucking apart the outside
that one-day was everyday
i lied about not leaving
you lied about believing it all
it was that day that was all we tried
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| The pace of this is beautiful and guides you right through the stanzas. It has a sense of urgency that I really like and you can feel the emptiness at the end. Thank you for sharing this! |
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| GrkGrl-thanks for the comment. You are right, it is a a completely true and personal story. Its obscurity however, is how the dark birds delivered it to me. |
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Comment by: GrkGrl - 2007-10-14 10:12
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i like this...a great deal
and i know this is going to sound disrespectful, which it is not....but i like to call this a regurgitation of memory and mind poety....it tells a story, a personal story...in an obscure manner...on purpose...
maybe i'm wrong and you're just a profound thinking beyond a level where i can understand....but since i'm posting this comment....i'll just say i'm totally right...gg |
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Comment by: zepol - 2007-10-03 21:11
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| Nice work Mike; however, the first two lines of the last stanza threw me off a bit. I will put this one on my book shelf and monitor it. thanks for another good read. |
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| oh it's really depressing but really good all the same. I was impressed with your repetitive technique. |
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