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Space Junk
Dear Auntie Charlotte,
Peter, Rachel and me are fine.
We haven't seen Dad for months.
Waiting for Peter at the school gates, Mum points at the sky and tells the other mums about the satellites.
She doesn't cry as much now.
Sometimes after Rachel and her argue she dresses us up in silver material, and puts green eye shadow on us. I don't like it because it makes me look like a girl. Mum says it gives me lizard's eyes.
After the first brick got thrown through our front window, she went very quiet. She says that people don't understand her round here.
We stand in the garden at night when the estate's quiet, and Mum points out the satellites as they pass overhead.
She says all of the satellites are going to crash into earth except Prospero.
'Prospero's special,' she says. 'It's the only satellite made by British hands, put there with British rockets. We could all be on other planets now but they let us down.'
Mum says it's only the pakis and wogs that spoiled everything. I don't like it when she says things like that.
Mum wants us to escape into space.
Come soon.
Love,
Gary
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| very believable and candid for something so eerie. i love the simplicity of the narrator against the complex plot. well done. you created a very chilling tone without any over-dramatics. |
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Comment by: Louise - 2007-09-14 18:26
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Loved this piece, it comes at you from a number of angles which are all so ... well I think alien said it best when she described it as unsettling. The only thing I'll say is if the other character peter isnt mentioned again in the letter then maybe theres no point in having him there at the start? or maybe three is just a more rounded number for you - I don't know. I like the bit when Gary says he doesnt like the eye shadow because it makes him look like a girl - its very much something you would expect a boy of maybe six or seven to say. Love it, really do.
(Is it wrong that I like work that's as sharp and slightly macabre as this? ... Who cares really? lol) |
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Comment by: alien - 2007-09-14 07:17
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ho HO!
I like this - very... um... unsettling. And very honest, too.
I am becoming quite a fan of yours. :) |
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| Very nice!!! I love this intergalactic thinking you got going on! |
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Hi Mark,
Another really good one. I enjoyed the voice as well as the letter format. The image in the sixth paragraph is especially nice; I like the bit about "lizard's eyes." It lends insight into how the mother character relates to her children. The title works well, too.
I might clarify "We could all be on other planets now but they let us down"--i.e., does "they" mean those who launched the satellite in the first place?
Thanks for posting this.
Take care,
J. |
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