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Hollywood Dreams
You continue to chase your Hollywood dreams.
Signing your name on the back of a postcard.
You mail it out on the Boulevard
And watch your tears turn into streams.
It doesn't matter that your life's at stake.
The price of fortune, the price of fame.
Soon, the world will know your name.
It'll be more than you can take.
They'll speak to you, with words unkind.
Like shards of glass your heart will break.
Consuming drugs to numb your pain.
They've all left your star behind.
My god, you've made a big mistake.
You sold your soul in vain.
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Comment by: alien - 2007-09-18 13:25
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What Valerie said.
I can't add anything to what she advised - good advice.
Nice subject for the poem, though :) |
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| Like it. Its so true what you are saying./blacky |
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| Sounds like my mother writing me in 1968 when I lived in Hollywood-Valerie lost me in her comment- You have given me insight on what a sonnet is-thanks |
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Comment by: Valerie - 2007-09-15 21:09
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Nice start. Meter is off somewhat, and could be improved by writing the sonnet in iambic pentameter, or use a syllabic meter, i.e., 10 syllables per line for the sake of rhythm. In iambic pentameter, an occasional short line is okay.
You have 12 end-stopped lines (halted at the end with punctuation). Allow for enjambment, i.e., let the line run over into the next line for cadence, just as you did in verse 1, lines 3 & 4.
One nitpick - Substitute one of the "soul"s for a synonym. Good luck in the contest. |
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