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The Invisible One
Have you ever felt invisible even in a crowd of people?
Spoken to someone and had them simply turn away?
Doesn't it make you feel transparent and unwanted?
Like you're hopeless and worthless day to day?
How many times can you be ignored by every one
Before you disappear and completely fade away?
What do you have to do to get someone to see you?
For them to realize you have something to say?
Do you walk alone in silence among the happy crowds?
Voiceless, invisible, friendless you make your way.
Grayness of spirit, darkness of soul grows ever stronger
As you feel the neglect and taint of despair each day.
Who can survive unscathed without human contact?
Loneliness kills and in the end someone will have to pay.
Living in the shadows is wearing on the spirit
Eventually something inside breaks or fades completely away.
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Comment by: leal05 - 2007-09-19 13:31
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I donā??t think a poem has to rhythm to bring about the emotion you are trying to convey; it just has to touch the reader.
Kathryn Leal
Published Author
Ravenā??s Call |
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| Billie, I've often felt like this! I think Mark has a great point and I can't wait to see what you do with it! It makes me think of how awful people can make you feel! But don't let it keep you from writing because I think alot of people can identify with what you have to say! |
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| Iambic pentametre is a fantastic idea. That might just be what this needs. I'll work on that. Thanks! |
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Billie,
I really identify with the emotions contained in this piece.
The rhyming is a bit out of place due to the irregularity of the metre, plus, because the topic is not really personalized by a particular character, it sort of reads like a philosophical or psychological treatise.
I really hope you stay with the theme, though, and maybe try iambic pentameter as an organizing pattern. I've found that a great deal of thoughts seem to adapt to that metre rather naturally, at least for me.
Blessings.
Mark |
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| I'm not very happy with this one. It just won't flow the way I want it to. Several of the lines came to me while I was talking with a student who has been having a tough time and I tried to capture the emotions she was trying to express. |
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