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I knew Emily and I were destined for each other the first time I saw her. We were lining up for a fire drill in our elementary school, and the teacher picked us to head the queue. When our eyes met, it was like a bolt of lightning struck me. I don't quite remember what happened next. . .

'Emily, what is that you have in your hand?'�
'My mommy uses it to keep bad guys away!'�
'Is that a tazer?'�

but I remember how I felt. I was smitten with her. Best of all, she was in love with me too.

'Emily, you can't use your friends as targets.'�
'He's not a friend! He's a stupid boy.'�
'Nevertheless . . . wait, did you already shoot him with an arrow?'�
'It doesn't hurt, Mrs. Timmons!'�

I did everything I could to be near her. We were in the same classes, and I walked her home everyday. It was heaven.

'I swear to God if you don't stop following me I will kick your nuts into your neck. Do you hear me? Shoo!'�

Our senior year was when it finally came together. Emily told me that she was auditioning for the part of Juliet in our school play'

'Yeah, I'm trying out. Steph, don't let that little freak know!'�

'and so I auditioned too. Cupid intervened, and I got the part. We'd been friends for so long that I knew it was time for us to become something more.

'I can't work with this guy. He tries to kiss me in every scene. And he's Mercutio!'�

As I sit now in my dank, cramped one-bedroom apartment, I can't help but smile. I look at the device around my ankle, and I smile.

The big day of the play, I brought Emily a present.

"Oh my God! What is that? Where did you get my underwear?"

The show went off without a hitch.

"Yea, noise? then I'll be brief. O happy dagger! ... Go away! You're not in this scene!"

She was magnificent.

After the curtains closed, someone told me about a house party.

"There's a big party at Mike's. Did you see that? In the rafters. Did you see that? Tell me you saw that."

Gentleman that I am, I decided to see if Emily needed a ride to the party.

"Unlock this door! Let me out of this car!"

Apparently what I call love is what the authorities call "kidnapping." I was arrested. Luckily, they found me legally insane, and I got to spend time with some really nice people at an institute.

I wrote Emily every day. The only thing she sent back was some sort of legal document. I don't know what it was. Some kind of "order."

Since I got out, I still see her occasionally.

"Is that him by the tree? Can I use your phone? Shit, he's gone."

Some day, I'll work up the courage to talk to her again.

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