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Cold Shoulder
All she did was look at me out of the corner of her eye during the budget meeting and I knew: she was the woman who had lain in our sheets, the woman who calls but never says a word, the woman whose scent I catch on Mike’s collar the days he’s working late.
I shook everyone’s hand but hers.
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First of all, thanks for all the replies. I'm really slow about reciprocating comments, I know, but I will get to you guys!
Second of all, my grammar is really weak so thanks for the colon suggestion Rosie and Stratus. I'll go ahead and change that.
Thanks again! |
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| I hadn't reallly thought about that semi-colon, but a colon would probably work better. |
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Comment by: Stratus - 2008-01-10 21:39
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That was good, straight to the point. Sixty 'right' words brought this woman's spite and fury right to the surface. Although that semi-colon tripped me up for a second, I really thought this, in its brevity, was a near-perfect piece of writing.
Thanks! |
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This is really powerful. That last line works really well. Do you know, I don't know what else to say - it's really powerful, with a great last line!
I've just read, and thoroughly enjoyed, your poem for the latest challenge, which is what had me investigating your other work. |
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Comment by: tcbswan - 2007-10-06 01:06
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perfect--enjoyed it very well done!
t. |
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