 |
 |
 |
| |
One Saturday Night
The burning carnage of fabric and fluff
Plastic beady eyes staring up at us
Begging for mercy as we watch the flames
Spiraling towards the blackened night sky
Burning tokens, memories, from our past
One thing left, my favorite possession
You urge, how can I possibly say no
You, my current love, one that means the most
Means more to me than others before you
I throw the final piece onto the flames with hesitation
The fabric body melts off, releasing
Plastic pellets refusing to alight
Then melt away from the heat in quick waves
Releasing a tornado of black smoke
Billowing black smoke blows over us
Ominously, covering us in clouds
Ashes from the recently deceased memories and tokens
Spread over us and we wipe them off, a final valediction
The wreckage of fabric, fluff, melted eyes
Are now cinders on the floor of the pit
Want to comment on this Poetry?
Sign up to Edit Red and you will be able to comment on Poetry and get access to: Upload your own stories and poems, get readers and their feedback, promote your work...
|
 |
|
[Back to top]
|
|
|
|
very nice imagery, i like the descriptives "Plastic pellets refusing to alight
Then melt away from the heat in quick waves"
"The burning carnage of fabric and fluff
Plastic beady eyes staring up at us"
the only suggestion i would make is the repetative use of the phrase black clouds. in the first section were the phrase is introdused is fine, but i would have written the latter lines like this,
"Releasing a tornado of darkened puffs
Billowing, gloomy soot covers us
Ominously, surrounded in muck"
just to add more imagery in the work, its just my thought, and only a personal thing, unless your trying to stress a particular phrase or word into the readers mind, i try to stray away from repetition in my lines. best of luck, i hope to read more beautiful works from you. |
| 1 |
|
 |
|
 |
|
|
