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popeye
Tomisin Adepeju
United Kingdom, London

Words: 190
Access: Public
Comments: 6

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"A love letter"

With you night becomes day, With you all my sadness fades away. With you, my winter’s night becomes a summers day.

My heart is consumed with the thought of you; your love cleanses me and makes me brand new.

Your eyes are like swirling pools of desire where I’ll swim and never tire. They melts my heart because they glisten defiantly, causing my soul to rejoice with splendour and elation.

Your love has wiped away all my sadness; my heart is filled with joy and gladness. Your love has purged my soul; Your beauty has made me whole.

Your love has freed my heart of the isolation that has plagued me, now i see that we were really meant to be.

You are an angel from above; you are my one true love.
I would carry on writing how beautiful and wonderful you are, but slumber beckons. Until tomorrow, my love.


But before i go, i must say this, i wish i could hold you, stroke your beautiful, flawless hair that glimmers softly, beautifully, wonderfully, amazingly. i love you princess, be mine, be mine.... i beg of thee............

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Comments  
popeye Comment by: popeye - 2007-09-27 14:45
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thanks for your comments
RedeMoon Comment by: RedeMoon - 2007-09-27 13:45
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This has brought a smile to my face. Those words are so sincere and oddly classical due to the age of the poem. I have a deep respect for 'classical' love stories and poems. I'm no scholar so I can't critique you on a professional level but as a fellow writer I believe the more you pratice and tone yuor words, this poem will go from sincere to sensational.
kennydpoet Comment by: kennydpoet - 2007-09-27 12:47
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Ade, i think i agree with Fart, you may need to put this poem in a more poetic form. the feelings are powerfull, however you can make it more powerfull.
popeye Comment by: popeye - 2007-09-27 05:25
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thanks for the advice.....
YeOldeFart Comment by: YeOldeFart - 2007-09-26 17:09
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Your words are touching and your sincerity is palpable, Tom. You use all the right words to convey your deep feelings; now you need to put them in poetic form.
The 1st two sentences should be one stanza with the exception of the redundant second sentence which repeats the 1st line.
"With you" is incomplete. You need to clarify your thought. Perhaps, "When I'm with you." or "With you by my side."
Similes and metaphors would help. "My heart is consumed..." Perhaps "My heart bursts with the image of you." Don't mix your metaphors.
That should give you something to work on. Keep at it.l
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