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BrightLamp
Amanda P.
United States, Guam

Words: 50
Access: Public
Comments: 8

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Please.

Please draw me a line
so I can cross it.
Please make a new rule
so I can break it.
Please find me a cup
so I can drop it.
Please give me a heart
so I can break it.
Please open a window
so I can fly out it.

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Comments  
DickGentile Comment by: DickGentile - 2008-01-24 17:50
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To where?
BethShanFan Comment by: BethShanFan - 2007-10-05 22:06
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Ha, I like this one. I feel this way sometimes myself.
metalhead Comment by: metalhead - 2007-09-28 17:31
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very enjoyable, and easy to remember, which helps as I have a useless memory!
Comment by: - 2007-09-28 07:27
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The last line is awkward because normally we would say "fly out OF it" but the last two lines in this have seven syllables and the rest had six, so I don't want to add another word. Jump out? Get out?
Comment by: - 2007-09-27 18:54
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Thanks for the feedback, i appreciate it. I guess i used 'the' instead of 'that' because i was going for a somewhat omniscient point of view.
Anyhow, there is just something about the last line that doesn't quite flow... i wish i could help you to change it though. I got nothing. otherwise, excellent.
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By BrightLamp

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