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From God's Paintbrush
From God's paintbrush drips a pale peach,
which He uses to stroke the sun's glistening rays.
The white canvas is splattered with a hint of pale blue
contrasting with fluffy lavender and pink clouds.
Strips of color lead away from the lustrous orb,
becoming wider and hotter.
Hues explode into a blazing torch, setting the heavens
on fire with florescent orange dimpled by scarlet.
Translucent deep cadmium red fills the firmament
with blinding hot color.
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Darkness encroaches and the painting fades.
The sky is framed with a deep plum speckled with lavender lace.
Dusk shrouds the empyrean, leaving a sprinkling of orange clouds,
that hold onto the day for a few more minutes.
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Comment by: Cherley - 2008-02-25 20:29
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| Thanks for reading. |
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Comment by: frees340 Online- 2008-02-25 20:02
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Snrk. Empyrean. Nerd.
I like this. Good poetry. I need to learn more about it. So, its going in the bookshelf, library, or whatever it is.
Crits:
My only suggestion would be to wrap up with "From God's Paintbrush." It would sort of finish the poem in a more finally dramatic manner. |
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Comment by: Cherley - 2008-02-20 09:19
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| Thank you. I really enjoyed writing this. I know what you mean by the adjectives and adverbs, but I think it goes back to knowing the rules and then deciding to break them. LOL. |
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Who ever said that more than one adjective per sentence is too much? Me? Nooo. After reading this poem, I've got to admit you use your descriptors well. They're carefully chosen and creatively placed so that all we see is the same explosion on the horizon as you do.
I once looked out over Georgian Bay and watched the silver lining of every cloud become more precious with each passing breath. I think God can be an artist who paints, sculpts and carves the world. He's also an alchemist who takes a leaden sky after a rain and transforms it into precious metals and gems through time.
I can so identify with the need to write about what you see. As a painter must paint glorious sunsets, a writer must make a beautiful poem. Thanks for proving my theory about adjectives and adverbs wrong, although, a longer poem would have had a different result. You nailed it with this one. |
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Comment by: manoj - 2007-11-29 19:55
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lovely poem Cherley.
Translucent deep cadmium red fills the firmament
with blinding hot color... excellent.
The language skill,imagination and imagery ...wow!
Best wishes |
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