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irmosmp
Wayne Cousins
United States, South Carolina

Words: 252
Access: Public
Comments: 4

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I'm Born

whats this?! im bein born, head adorned
with a foreign paupers crown in the mold
of two horns, head of placenta, feet in magenta,
held up for a venter on a spiteful soggy morn
taken abroad to be brought in, left the summers
warmth and got caught in the winters chilly storm
"this babys got the skin of a diamondback,"
dont let him crack, he might be some kind of a artifact
dont put him back inside the trap for speed
it was time to breathe now i know why mama bleeds
i am no native of nativity, ill be creative in my brevity
cuz life is waiting just for me
least thats how it felt when i was plucked from the sea
that life was waiting just to see
if i would catch up, thought i won, but i had not begun
to be, a boy ready for anything with nothin left to see
life is just meditating on thee
second stage, its just a phase but it wont pass gently
i turn the page and thank the days the ends not in sight
nobodys trials can best me long as i got my readin light
im all night, all talk and no fight, cuz the war was born
to expedite me into the village's primal lightning
the sun's released his gaze now its time for the third phase
when life is rapid fading, no use in imitating,
an expert in relating, or a topic worth debating.

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Comments  
Comment by: - 2007-10-03 13:43
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They say there's mothing new under the sun... I'm not so sure I agree anymore. Your vocabulary is great & your word combinations feel fresh:

"im all night, all talk and no fight, cuz the war was born
to expedite me into the village's primal lightning"

yes.
xemoxangelx Comment by: xemoxangelx - 2007-10-03 01:58
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i liked how you began with a questin it really drew me in, the use of ryhme is good maybe a bit over the top but it worked quite well. the sentance strcture is good as in some you seperate it into 3 bits which is using the power of 3 which works well and makes it very powerful.
kjfloyd119 Comment by: kjfloyd119 - 2007-10-02 18:27
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some kind of a artifact

should be *an
MarkAikins Comment by: MarkAikins Online- 2007-10-02 18:20
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This bit reads a little like a rap routine.

Very "stream-of-consciousness" and
I really enjoyed
>>dont put him back inside the trap for speed
it was time to breathe now i know why mama bleeds
i am no native of nativity, ill be creative in my brevity
cuz life is waiting just for me
1

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By irmosmp

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