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diyanimal
diyanimal
United States

Words: 156
Access: Public
Comments: 2

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family plan

the phone rang at 8
thank today for caller ID

"Family Plan"
attached to an unknown numerical prefix

scratch my head, tug at my shirt
pull my sorry state of affairs
out from round yonder

tucked in between down comforter goodness

family plan

i think i had that once
have to think long 'n hard to research my-self

and then it hits me
that dream once long ago, or was it life
now I'm not so certain

go to school
get good grades
boy meets girl

white dress, flowers, gifts, relatives

kids - ah that's where it all comes together
the family "plan"

'till boy turns to man
man turns to shit

and the kids are left wondering all alone

searching
always searching
for the "family plan"
that their "family" once was

till they grow up to discover
that families aren't your typical family
at all

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Comments  
rljcooper Comment by: rljcooper - 2008-07-15 17:04
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I enjoyed reading yor work but you did not relly explane any thing
Wildefriend Comment by: Wildefriend - 2008-05-14 11:51
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This has some good elements but you really don't explain anything. There are very few real feelings that are expressed, except maybe for "down comforter goodness" or "Man turns to shit."

The rest of it is like sleepwalking. There need to be emotions expressed, beyond just relating a series of events. OK when the phone rang at 8, how did it make you feel (beyond the caller ID remark). There needs to be more, :-)

FC
1

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By diyanimal

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