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Rave
They walk all around me.
Touching, reaching to grasp my reality.
This becomes their insanity.
Dead eyes, drug induced souls.
Shades and colors,
flashing in….
Out……
Pulses....
probing me to give all,
think nothing,
caught up in life surrogate dreams.
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| well, it is short because hat was my experience. I went to 1 rave and couldnt stand it. So I left. I wrote this the next day. The "in pulses" is to describe the waves that certain drugs induce, it is not constant, but it seemed to fit at the time. This is really old. I wrote it 12 years ago. I will re- post it without the "in" and see. I dont think I will revisit this moment to expound though. |
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Comment by: - 2007-10-07 12:59
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| I agree with twilight. I didn't like "In pulses", I think you could cut out the "in" and just let it be "pulses". But as Twilight said, it is a working progress. Maybe add a stanza or two. |
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Comment by: - 2007-10-07 04:58
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| This is really good but yeah... I agree. A "rave" usually goes on and on. I think this could go further. Something to think about perhaps. :) |
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Comment by: - 2007-10-05 20:55
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| It's pretty good, but it could be better. Right now it kind of feels like a work-in-progress, 'cause you have a good start, a good meaning, and your doing good so far. But it seems too short... I didn't like how it ended so simply. |
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