All The Way - Wee Challenge #14
Diane stood in line at the coffee shop, frowning. 'Always just shoved aside,' she thought. Three men came up separately, stepping in front of her to order.
She tried to get the attention of the clerk, but the men were loud, obviously in a hurry. 'I hope you spill it in your lap,' she grumbled. Finally, she got her small decaf, slumping out of the shop.
On the freeway, five cars cut her off with extreme urgency to exit before her. She spilled her small decaf in her lap, crying at the burn, then she cursed the light as it turned red at the bottom of her exit.
Ten minutes late for work, her boss looked from her to the clock, tapping her foot. 'One more thing and I am going to explode,' she thought.
Going home, an SUV sped up beside her and cut her off. Screaming, accelerating, her citation connected, spinning out of control, slamming into the median.
The SUV skidded to a stop at an awkward angle. A man hurried out, running to her. Diane frowned in recognition and began to pass out.
"Honey? What happened? Are you all right?"
Then all was darkness.
Want to comment on this Flash Fiction?
Sign up to Edit Red and you will be able to comment on Flash Fiction and get access to: Upload your own stories and poems, get readers and their feedback, promote your work...
|
 |
|
[Back to top]
|
|
 |
Comment by: antunes - 2007-10-25 07:39
|
|
| That perfectly discribe the hush-hush, push-punch day in a modern urban city life. Very exact and precise lines. (I also hope she didn't die though:) |
 |
Comment by: mafsa - 2007-10-09 03:45
|
|
A great take on the title, though i was saddened because it was a bad day for her all the way. i hope she didn't die.
my only question (same as ms karen's) is why she wasn't able to recognize her husband's car. mysterious...
thanks for the read, ms jen! ;) |
 |
Comment by: karjon - 2007-10-08 16:08
|
|
I found this one a wee bit confusing, Jen.
So, she's having a bad day, she wishes someone else's coffee would spill in their lap, but it happens to her. Boss is ticked off at her, she feels that if one more thing goes wrong, she'll lose her temper.
Someone cuts her off, she crashes into them, it turns out to be her husband, but she passes out/dies.
Am I right? So, in reacting in anger, she dies?
Hmm - okay. Couple of things:
I'm wondering why she wouldn't recognise her husband's car?
'five cars cut her off with extreme urgency to exit before her' - 'with extreme urgency' felt a little over-written - maybe just 'in a rush'.
'her citation connected' - I don't know what that is - is it something to do with cars? I don't drive, so haven't a clue with any of this stuff.
Okay - I'll leave it there. I'm just a bit confused, but it's probably just me and everyone else will come along and understand everything perfectly.
Thanks for taking the challenge, Jen.
Cheers
Karen |
| 1 |
|