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Inhale, Exhale
He's the writing on my back.
Didn't want to make it permanent, you know,
it's harder to remove than it was to scribble down.
He wrote the thesis to my story,
guess I took his word for it,
I should have read it over
but he breathes poetry easier,
than my smoke-filled lungs.
Exhaled into the winter
and watched the words form,
but simple, twirling limericks could never match his tapestries.
Lit them on fire with my cigarette
and tried to inhale that essence.
Saw him smiling in the center,
satisfied that he'd read me,
flipped open my pages
and took a peek inside.
Thanked him for not spoiling the ending,
because I knew he was my plotline all along.
He ripped apart my bindings,
and left me coverless on the floor.
That was just the time I realized
I never needed any of that.
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| The ending is perfect. You let the reader know that getting through every ache in life makes you more fit to survive.... and you say it in an elegantly subtle way. I like to use cigarettes in my writing as well. I think the way a person holds their cigarette is like the way animals hold their tails.... you can completely portray that individual's mood. |
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| I'm in love with your writing. This is too perfect! You've picked up a subscriber; I hope you don't mind. |
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Comment by: Beck Online- 2007-10-22 17:19
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This is a beautiful poem Lindsay, the imagery is breathtaking and all makes perfect sense... every word reveals a new part of the picture.
I don't think there's a single thing that gets me thinking more than a cigarette, on my own, in the cold. I just came in with from the garden with my hands frozen to a pen. I'm glad I chose to read some more of your writing tonight because this one caught me just at the right time. |
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| Second stanza works best for me. That's where it's the strongest. I found the uneven syllable count in some of the other lines...to throw it off when you read aloud. Overall, though, I love the idea. The second stanza really shines. |
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Comment by: Bucho - 2007-10-17 07:03
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this is really nice. i love the way you keep up the literary terms throughout...really well written ;)
that first stanza really had me hooked. |
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