Loss Of Breath
The highway ended
just outside of town.
The orange barrels of progress
were my only company
as I sprinted away
from industry,
smoggy mornings their only
notch on the bedpost of life.
I would inhale deeply for an hour
where the woody area began,
knowing I'd have to run
right back into the grayness
of skyscrapers and traffic,
concrete and fumes,
mirrored windows on buildings
where it's dark until noon.
When I bend down
to tie my shoelaces,
I can smell the rain ten miles away,
hoping it comes to dissipate the haze
before I return,
lungs full of clean.
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Comment by: Stephie - 2007-11-16 15:12
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I too love the "lungs full of clean"
Makes me want to stop smoking now :)
But, I love this poem because it serves as an emotional cleansing for myself. It makes me long for the country life where I grew up.
"When I bend down
to tie my shoelaces,
I can smell the rain ten miles away"
Those few lines evoke such longing from me, to be there, in that beautiful place. And (last thing I promise ;) ) I love that you can create such an incredible scene without having to hit the reader over the head with it, you simply allude to it, allowing me to paint the details onto the paper. Lovely write :) |
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| I really like how you portrayed the rain as cleaning up the smog making a breath of fresh air. |
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| I really like your ending line. "Lungs full of clean" just makes me feel so refreshed. I haven't lived in a big polluted city in many years. Your poem kind of made me appreciate the wholesome surroundings I am in, although my heart aches for city life again. |
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| Nice form and pace. |
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Comment by: Beck Online- 2007-11-04 07:39
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| As a city dweller myself I can really appreciate where this poem is going. It's a superbly written piece of escapism. I enjoyed the imagery in the first few lines, the idea of a highway stopping so abruptly and then proceeding on foot (and in fact sprinting) away from the trappings of modern society. Nicely written piece. |
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