 |
 |
 |
| |
Choice
When the darkness weds the soul,
The deepening chasms of despair
Rejoice and open wide
To show a glimpse
Of what dwells inside.
Past the deceptive lips of liberty,
Across the soft moistness of past joys,
Down a path slippery with tears,
Fall deeper and lose consciousness
Of all that was life.
Fall completely and awake
To all that is lost.
Want to comment on this Poetry?
Sign up to Edit Red and you will be able to comment on Poetry and get access to: Upload your own stories and poems, get readers and their feedback, promote your work...
|
 |
|
[Back to top]
|
|
 |
Comment by: zepol - 2008-04-20 01:07
|
|
| Yes, "when the darkness weds the soul" is a great line. This is a very nice poem. Thank you |
 |
Comment by: Dante - 2007-12-30 10:31
|
|
| It can be difficult to make the choice to look within. I think that you have captured this choice beautifully here. The opening line really draws the reader in. "Down the path slippery with tears" was my favorite line. I also like the way this poem reads, aloud. Has a good ring to it. Thanks for sharing. |
|
|
| Nice seriously...but to tell you the truth I'm afraid of commenting on you but I kinda don't understand the middle of the poem |
|
|
Hi Rabab,
As usual, your writing is beautiful and full of feeling. I really enjoy the words you choose for the simple human act of "choice."
Best,
Susan |
|
|
Well said and the writing reads very deliberate and planned....except for this line in my opinion: Across the soft moistness of past joys - I think the rhythm might read better like: Across the soft, moist ______ of past joys. The trick will be to fill in the blank with a noun that fits. I think it brings the image more to the forefront. Just a thought.
Thanks for sharing,
john |
| 1 2 Next |
|
 |
|
 |
|
|
