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Back On The Right Track
She made her grand entrance probably in the same messy manner as he had years before and probably just as her mother had; loud, naked, and unabashed. He fell in love with her as soon as he saw her; a bundle of arms and legs and pink skin.
He didn’t understand the excruciating warmth that welled up inside him, but he knew the hot tears that ran down his cheeks, so he held himself and he wept.
Life had been cruel. Nobody seemed to understand him, so in pain and frustration he had lashed out. They made him pay for that moment of anger, but now, suddenly, none of it mattered. All that mattered was screaming and kicking as the doctor held her up. It became profoundly clear that he was finally on the right track.
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Comment by: Cherley - 2008-02-05 01:32
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| This is lovely. I love the way it was written. Painted such a great picture. |
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Comment by: DavidHe Online- 2008-01-09 04:03
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| Really it is a flash but has a lot to happen in it! The story flows very well! I like it very much. Could I learn it by heart? Best wishes. |
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Comment by: Casper - 2007-11-17 17:36
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Now, this in all of what I've read of flash fiction, must be the absolute best...
I like how it admits that the world IS a cruel place...Also I like how it admits that even an average parent even goes through times of distress, a concept that every teenager should learn to grasp... |
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Comment by: sarra - 2007-11-10 06:21
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I adored this story from start to end and I too just realized what flash fiction is.
I think.
At any rate, this was wonderfully done; makes me wonder what he'd done in the past to be labeled (they made him pay, so somehow in my mind he was labled), but other than that, this was great. I think it could be a start of a longer piece as well. |
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| Nice piece of flash, but could also be an intro to a short story I would definitely want to finish. Great opening line. |
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