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Overreaction
I would like to think you were being melodramatic.
The hot red spark in your eye and the flared nostrils were almost humorous. I tried not to laugh, but panic bubbled through my lips in the form of a giggle.
“Is this really funny?” As you ran the tip of the blade across the blue-lined skin of your wrist, the desperate chuckle crashed and burned.
I wrenched the knife from your hand and twisted my arm behind me. Relief flooded through me warm and soft as you embraced me, but your fingers brushed mine, trying to take back your death.
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Comment by: Stratus - 2007-10-26 07:50
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Very nice. In such a brief piece you managed to show the scene clearly while at the same time allowing us a peek at the narrator's thought process. I can see this as a longer flash, something in the 300-400 word range, strictly to reveal motivation and add a little background to this relationship.
Nice work - |
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Comment by: karjon Online- 2007-10-24 01:28
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'panic bubbled through my lips in the form of a giggle'
'trying to take back your death'
Two fantastic lines that will stay with me.
Excellent wee story, Vaughn. One nit - 'crashed and burned' - I know you're using it in an original way, but it's still a cliched expression.
Thanks for another great read.
Cheers
Karen |
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Comment by: dlynn - 2007-10-23 22:32
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NICE!
An excellent write and thrilling read.
Great ending, Vaughn.
: )
Diane |
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Comment by: L J - 2007-10-23 10:35
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| Excellent write. I didn't expect the last few words though and so I found myself reading that last line twice, and that's a good thing. I don't want suicide on my hands. |
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Comment by: mafsa - 2007-10-22 18:05
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hello!
this piece, even though a hundred words long, told us many things. the single quoted sentence is climactic and the last sentence gave it more thrills. lastly, great take on the subject!
thumbs up,
Mary:p
-trying to take back your death-
>splendid ending... |
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