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antunes
Ana C. Antunes
Brazil, Santos (My treasured Island)

Words: 100
Access: Public
Comments: 3

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Overreaction (Over a Reactor)

At a lab, a teacher heard an explosion and thought he had provoked a black out. Stepping on a slippery floor, he broke his ankle as he hit the ground.

Suddenly lights went on: People wearing hats had whistles in their mouths, all perplexed looking down at him, music playing loud, balloons dancing around the room.

It was not a short circuit after all. His students were trying to make a surprise birthday party. They'd turned the lights out.

“Heating up a little is hot. But burning the day by literally breaking into my own party... THAT’s overreaction!”

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Comments  
antunes Comment by: antunes - 2007-10-26 08:47
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I made the changing. Hope this ease the interpretations over my intentions. It's supposed to be a self-satirical piece... to the teacher. But I guess it worked only on me. Hopefully now the self explained phrase alleviates the flurry understandings. As always, thanks for the input.
VaughnShepherd Comment by: VaughnShepherd - 2007-10-25 14:34
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I have to agree with Karen on this one. The last sentence doesn't make sense to me, but the rest of the story is delightful!
karjon Comment by: karjon - 2007-10-25 11:03
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Hi Ana

I like the surprise party aspect and the resultant injury to the teacher. Nice take on the title.

Some picky stuff:


Stepping on slippery floor

Should be 'the' or 'a' slippery floor.

people were wearing hats with whistles in their mouths

Sounds like the hats have whistles in their mouths. Maybe:

People wearing hats had whistles in their mouths.

“Ok to heat the ground and burn the day, but to break on your own birthday cake...'

You lost me there - I really don't know what that sentence means, but I'm sure it's just a translation thing.

Thanks for taking the challenge.

Cheers

Karen
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By antunes

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