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antunes
Ana C. Antunes
Brazil, Santos (My treasured Island)

Words: 138
Access: Public
Comments: 3

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Witches of Wishes

They were old but they got a good sight.
They looked white, sometimes so bright.
They enchanted in their dresses with glare,
Some gentlemen could not stop their stare.

In the Casinos they have allowed to gamble.
They permitted it only to have it unscramble.
And yet people still didn't take care,
For they'd certainly kept their share.

When women and kids were undermined,
And into a dark place they were confined,
Working on the mine they were banished.
Yet some are alive and some are vanished.

Edwardians experienced a period of warming.
To later be cooled down from their storming.
Many incredible things always befell
Under the Victorian secrets spell.

And don't be deceived,
If they can't be perceived.
They'll call you rather insane,
If you don't believe they still reign.

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Comments  
ticra Comment by: ticra - 2007-11-26 19:33
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very nice. I really liked this poem, usually I find rhyming to be too forced though, however in this peice from the third stanza down, it was very smooth. although the top two stanzas may need a little editing. Really a good peice! I look forward to reading more!
antunes Comment by: antunes - 2007-10-24 07:51
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I know it takes Victorian efforts to understand that... I like it as it is. But I will make extra effort to adapt it into your modern eyes. Thanks for sharing your tough thoughts, though. Cheers!
alien Comment by: alien - 2007-10-24 05:19
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I can't say that this poem really did anything for me, I'm sorry to say. It appears hurried and many of the lines appear to have been written to suit the rhymes, rather than the rhymes pushing the poem forward. Writing in rhyming couplets is hard and you have to be very careful not to fall into the trap of making them sound forced.
Perhaps try re-writing it in an unrhymed style so that you can get aross more effectively what you are trying to say?
JMO.
1

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By antunes

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