The place for writers: Upload your writing in minutes, receive peer feedback from other writers, poets, authors, then get your work published out there in the real world. Learn how other writers are doing it.
The remains - Alien Challenge #3 (2nd attempt)
You are here: Edit Red >> Uploads >> Poetry >> The remains - Alien Challenge #3 (2nd attempt)
Your arms remind me of the Angel
which stands in Putney Vale*, cold
as the end of day, arms splayed.
And like the stone, weathered, forgotten
You will soon be.
How then, with no marker,
other than the scratch
Of nails through earth,
Will you remain? Ethereal,
Image on closed lids
Fading in radiant life.
Just one crumpled picture;
White dress, little girls,
Ballet shoes, late husband.
Want to comment on this Poetry? Sign up to Edit Red and you will be able to comment on Poetry and get access to: Upload your own stories and poems, get readers and their feedback, promote your work...
Sharon,
Not much to say other than that I really liked this. If I were to add my voice to the argument, I might say that if I were to change line 5, I would simply write it "You soon will be", and leave line 4 where it is.
Thanks for sharing this,
Eric
I felt that I should comment on your poem, but didn't really know what to say other than well done. Sorry I couldn't come with more helpful insight, except that it definitely gave me the Halloween-ish feeling. Lots of nice imagery, like
"as the end of day, arms splayed.
And like the stone, weathered, forgotten".
One place I thought it might be slightly changed is lines 4 and 5. They might read better in a different order:
And like the stone, you soon will be/weathered, forgotten
But that's just a minor point that may assist with the flow when reading it.
