Part II

I’m feeling better now, slightly. A week ago I left the house for the first time in awhile. All of a sudden I felt like I was choking in the emptiness and solitude of my house. I felt like I was drowning, and as scary leaving the house seemed, I couldn’t stand not to leave it.

I took a shower, and got dressed really quickly because once the thought was in my head, it felt like my house was going to swallow me whole if I didn’t leave soon. Driving is still to scary to think about, so I walked to the park even though it's a mile away. I took a seat in the bleachers and watched the soccer game being played. I knew a lot of the kids on the field from school, but I didn’t know their parents or friends watching. I felt kind of removed from everything, but that was okay. I didn’t want an overload on my first day out.

The Blue Team scored another goal and the White’s coach called a time out. I watched Blue leaving the field, searching for a particular face. Rhys looked up right as I spotted him. Surprise registered first, but then a huge smile spread over his face. He said something to his coach and came over to me.

“Hey! How are you?”

"Pretty good."

“Have you seen Annabelle or Kaylie yet?” I shook my head, "This was the first place I came, figured you’d be here." He chuckled, “You were right. I’m always here, I guess. Kinda sad. They’ll be happy to see you.”

The ref blew his whistle and Rhys’ coach called his name. “Ok, I gotta go, wait for me after the game.” I nodded.

“Rhys, quit talking to your girlfriend we have a game to play!” His coach yelled. "Bye."

Rhys jogged a few paces and then turned, “Hey,” he said, backpedaling, “Welcome back.”

We went to find Kaylie and Annabelle afterward. I think Rhys might have told them I didn’t want to talk about what happened because after a big hug when I first arrived, no one acted differently. I was surprised by how easy returning to normal could be. I felt sick at first; how could I go through what I’ve been going through for the past month and a half, and then act like nothing happened? But I got over it, it felt good to just pretend nothing was wrong.



I’ve been staying at Annabelle’s house the past couple of nights. I can’t really face my own anymore. Her mom has been worried about me and is glad to have me staying with them. I still feel really weird sometimes, but Annabelle says she’s going to fix that. We went to a party a few nights ago. It was a little awkward, because everyone was treating me like my sister had died and I didn’t really like it. We’re going to some friend-of-a-friend’s party this weekend and Annabelle says it‘ll be better. She thinks I need to act like a normal teenager for awhile. Annabelle’s a good friend. I’ve known her since kindergarten, so she’s seen me go through everything. She’s the strong one, the loud one; she knows how to keep me from dwelling on the bad stuff. Annabelle lives in constant motion, she’s always talking or doing something, I’m just letting myself get swept up in her whirlwind.

She and Rhys are back together right now, I think they have been the whole time. They’re a pretty couple, my two closest friends. I feel a little guilty, because I think now that I’m out of my house, Annabelle’s been trying to keep me busy and I feel like she doesn’t hang out as much with Rhys. And then I also feel guilty because Rhys is so worried about me and I feel like he shouldn’t be. He’s just being a good friend though, it’s not a big deal. And I don’t think Annabelle cares about it. I’ve never been competition.



We’re at a party on the beach. School is starting in a few days so this is like one final hoorah, not that school has ever prevented hoorahs from happening. It’s really just an excuse to have a party. I’m a little tipsy, I admit, but I feel okay. I feel good actually. Annabelle and I are dancing, and we’re laughing. We spin and grind and flirt, and I feel light.

There’s this guy who’s been eyeing me for most the night. I borrowed a short skirt and tight top from Annabelle. So maybe it’s not something I’d wear normally but it’s nice to just relax, and let Annabelle decide things for me.

He’s cute, and I can’t remember why I was ignoring him earlier. He comes up and we start dancing and then he’s saying something I can’t hear, but it doesn’t really matter because I don’t really care what he says anymore. I care that the music is loud and this guy is handing me a beer that will make me feel even lighter and that his hand feels warm on my back as he leads me away from the group.

I stumble and fall on the sand, my head feels heavy, like its full of mud and tar. I’m starting to feel sick, and everything is swimming. I can just make out Rhys storming towards us, I think I like the way the sand is flying up behind him as he walks. And then everything goes black.



I wake up in Annabelle’s bed the next day, disoriented with my head pounding. Staggering out of bed, I can hear Annabelle and Rhys arguing through the open door.

“Annabelle, I don’t get how you can be so irresponsible, taking her to parties, getting her drunk and stoned. She’s in a really bad place right now, her sister just died.”

“You make it sound like I’m hurting her on purpose, I’m not hurting her at all. She stayed locked up in that house for months--maybe she just wants to forget about everything for awhile.”

“That doesn’t mean it’s a good idea!”

“What the hell do you know anyway? I have always been there for her, every time something happens, I’m there to help her through it. I’m her best friend, you’re just her best friend’s boyfriend.” I can hear the sneer in Annabelle's voice; she's trying to hurt him.

“Goddammit, Annabelle! Why do you have to make everything about us? I’m worried about her because I don’t think she’s over the death and I think she’s really fragile right now.”

“Since when are you so sensitive, Rhys? Developing a soft spot for my best friend?” Annabelle mocks, then continues, “Listen, I know what she needs right now, and what she needs is to forget about her sister, and her mom, and her empty house, and her MIA dad, and all her other f’ing problems. And if you don’t like how I help my friend cope, well you can write it down on a feedback form and shove it up your ass!”

“Go to hell, Annabelle.”

“Anywhere to get away from you.”

I hear the front door slam shut, and exhale a breath I didn’t realize I was holding. Then the door opens again; I hear angry footsteps, the jingle of keys and another slam. I press the heels of my hands against my eyes and wish the headache would go away.



I’m swimming in yellow and red. Kaylie painted her room a few weekends ago. Annabelle and I would have helped, but we were down at a frat party at the university. I don’t remember most of it, but Annabelle says it was fun. Rhys and Annabelle officially broke up afterward, he said it was the final straw. I hope the party was worth it.

Her red lava lamp is casting a permeable red grow around me, and the room is pleasantly fuzzy from whatever we’re drinking. Rum maybe, from Annabelle’s parents’ cooler, she smuggled it over. I basically drink whatever she hands me, and she basically has access to anything.

Annabelle is on the floor, leaning against the dresser. Kaylie is stumbling around at the foot of the bed, giggling to herself. I hear her messing with something, and then a crash, but I don’t look to see what it is. Sitting up right now would probably make me puke and I’m hypnotized by the colors on the yellow ceiling.

A thought flits into my head that we have school tomorrow, but then I dismiss it. I have Spanish first, I can sleep in and Senor won’t even notice. It also occurs to me that Rhys is in that class, and he’ll get mad at Annabelle if I don’t show. But then I dismiss that thought like the first and take another sip from the paper cup I forgot I was holding.



“Hey, hey!” I turn slowly to see Rhys coming towards me down the hallway. “Haven’t talked to you in awhile.”

“Yeah..."

“You’re just with Annabelle usually and that’s a little awkward. Sorry.” It strikes me that he looks apologetic but not sad. “It’s...okay. I’m actually sorry, it’s my fault you’re fighting.” He shakes his head, sending ripples through his shabby blonde hair. "We fight all the time, it’s not your fault.”

“Yeah, but this time it seems really bad.” Annabelle and Rhys have been dating off and on for the past two years, “Do you really want to blow your relationship with Annabelle over me?”

“Getting awfully vain, aren’t we? I think you’ve been hanging out a little to much with Annabelle.” He says, but he’s smiling

“So maybe we could do something on Friday? I know you’ve been staying with her highness, but she’ll let you leave her side once in awhile right?” It’s not that Annabelle won’t let me (well, she won’t like it) but that I’m not sure I can. I’ve hardly been away from Annabelle in weeks. With her, I’m her sidekick again; her confidant, pretty, slightly-more-damaged and slightly-less-everything-else best friend; the second in command to the most popular girl in school.

Without her, I am afraid I’ll go back to how I was in the house. And I don’t want to go back there. I still feel it sometimes, late on a night we aren’t partying, the hollowness and sadness pulling at me. But I can’t say no to Rhys after he’s done so much for me.

“So what do you think? We could go to a movie or bowling...?”

“Bowling? Who goes bowling on a Friday night?” I tease. “I dunno, I was trying to think of things that didn’t involve getting drunk.” I duck my head. Instantly his tone softens, “Ok, I didn’t mean...I just...I worry about you. You quit the volleyball team and you never show up for class, I mean, when was the last time you did your homework? This isn’t you, you were never that girl.”

“I’m not the volleyball girl either, I only joined the team because Annabelle wanted to.”

“At least you were doing something.”

“I’m...I’m doing things now, too.” I insist but not forcefully.

“You’re being destructive. You’re no better off now than when you wouldn’t leave your house!” I squeeze my eyes shut and shake my head like it’ll clear my thoughts. “I have a class...but Friday will be fun.” And then I hurry off down the hall, forgetting my books in my locker.



We did end up going bowling. Rhys picked me up from Annabelle’s house around nine--he didn’t come in. Annabelle knew I was going out with him, but she said nothing. All she did was purse her lips when he called my cell to say he was there.

I hesitated just before I crossed the threshold out of Annabelle’s house. I glanced over my shoulder, searching, but of course she was in her bedroom pretending she didn’t care. I took a deep breath and walked to Rhys’s car. Annabelle had done a good job of getting me used to cars again. The first few times I’d ridden in one I’d been too drunk to notice, and after that it didn’t matter so much.

We’d gone later to avoid the majority of the obnoxious little kids, but the alley is still pretty crowded. We grabbed a lane in the back corner, which is actually kind of nice. It feels more private.

I’m really not that good at bowling, but I like the way my pink ball glows in the black light and I’ve actually scored some points with my haphazard technique. Sometimes we stop bowling, wrapped up in conversation, and other times we just focus on cheering and laughing as pins are scattered on the floor.

The night has been amazing until I sit down and realize that I’m having fun. I am out, with a boy, having a great time, and I can't blame the alcohol or drugs. And I'll never be able to tell Piper about it. I'll never be able to tell her about this great guy, who should actually be with my best friend right now, but who is with me instead and making me feel happy.

I'll never be able to tell her anything again. Even if I press two on my speed dial, I’ll get a message telling me the phone company had shut off the phone. I’ve been walking around numb for the past month, but nothing has changed. My only sister is still dead, I am still alone, and it still hurts.

Want to comment on this Short Stories? Sign up to Edit Red and you will be able to comment on Short Stories and get access to: Upload your own stories and poems, get readers and their feedback, promote your work...