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III
Lash out at me, please.
One time it seemed to ease your pain
Boil your rage, contained, nurtured
Build your army of fears and
love them as I love you,
painstaking.
Scream your pain, boy.
You’re crippling the would be man
I broke my heart to get you through
You broke apart, decidedly, and laughed
an echo of the innocent who gazed
at newborn eyes, my own.
It’s not your fault, fool.
But you’ll ask my forgiveness one of these days
It’s almost yours, with loving obligation
An expensive freedom we’ll both
take for granted and charge
to the old man.
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"Scream your pain, boy.
You’re crippling the would be man"
Jesus Christ, this is fantastic. My favorite of your poems. |
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Comment by: rjaye21 - 2007-11-13 01:49
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I'm loving repetition at the moment & wondered if your piece would flow easier if you had the 3rd line of each stanza as with the 1st stanza, as in, '-----------,----------,-------' so that the format is the same throughout the verses. a few words, then comma, then a word or two then comma, then a word or two...
Just a suggestion. I enjoyed reading this because I see a link between our styles or writing, I would term it a type of 'pop style'. My own influenced by the good Jim Morrison & I wonder who your influences are? I can imagine this with a backing track of music. |
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| Hey - i really like this - nice twist at the end.... excellent stuff... |
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I really like this sarah, theres a sort of sadness to it.
The flow is fantastic as usual with your pieces and i love the passion in your verse.
Good work thoroughly enjoyed. |
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| this is very bitter, all the anger and voilence in your words - real emmotions shining through, even if they aren't the nicest. |
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