There once was a pirate without a ship
He had a wooden leg and a metal hip
A parrot, a sword, a flagon of rum
An eye patch, a beard and a broken thumb

His broken appendage and lack of a boat
Can be traced to the theft of a mighty fine coat
And the fact that his pride would not let him flee
When caught by a Pirate far bigger than he

It started one night, as often does, in an inn
Pirates out drinking with the rest of their kin
Singing and dancing, comparing their gold
Fighting and laughing inside from the cold

Twas all fine, all jokes and all joy
Brutes being brutes and wenches un-coy
Till in stepped a man, an elderly gent
Yelled in a voice, rough and well spent

“Ello ‘er chaps, you listening clear?
'Ere be a map, to gold and to beer
I need a first mate and maybe a brute
A new set o' flags, and a wench what is cute

He sat in the corner with a juggered of wine
Waited as Pirates formed an orderly line
They argued over who would join on his ship
Who'd be the crew to go on his trip

And whilst this debate did fruitfully ensue
A thought in Our Pirate did suddenly imbue
That now this new pirate had everyone seething
‘Twas perfect time for a wee spot of thieving

Up and down the great tables, he ambled around
Pillaging all items there to be found
Into his pockets, his sleeves, and his hat
Ripe pickings they were, his coat bulging fat

Towards the door he did burgle and sly
Until, in a daze, a fine coat caught his eye
Draped on a chair, ‘twas to be his doom
That diamond encrusted, fur coat of Baboon

Our Pirates head, it span and turned light
Truth be told, he’d never seen such a sight
There he swore oath on the stars and the moon
“Arrgh I must have that fur coat of Baboon!”

He dashed to the coat in lust and in passion
He’d thrown out caution like had gone out of fashion
His hands on the coat he gripped and held tight
‘Till heard “OI YOU!” and froze in cold fright

He turned and found a pirate raising his fist
A mountainous man with household red mist
It crashed on his nose, then twice on his thumb
Till it hurt and went blue, then broken and numb

Yet still Our Pirate tightened his grip
Tossed against wall, floor, then over barstool did trip
Head first through a window, ‘twas the end of the bout
The coat had been taken; he was unconscious, knocked out

He woke some hours later his head and thumb sore
Coat and Coins taken, he was pillaged and poor
He sat up, looked around, and on his lap found a note
“I’ve gone to the docks and I’ve stolen yer boat!”

Want to comment on this Poetry? Sign up to Edit Red and you will be able to comment on Poetry and get access to: Upload your own stories and poems, get readers and their feedback, promote your work...