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| I like the last line...but it seems to carry the rest of the poem...it packs in the punch at the end and leaves the reader feeling sentimental...I would challenge you to strive for that level of writing throughout your piece instead of just at the end. |
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Comment by: lucy - 2007-11-04 05:19
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I face do I take that -
This line needs a break at face and do to make the line flow smoothly.
let it be know (known)
already … Sapphires infinity… my wholeness
Not sure this works- at least not for me, I don't understand it.
I agree, the last line is very passionate.
Beautiful words, thoughts. |
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| I really like this. You have an interesting style of writing. Good work! |
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| Me too. |
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Wow....I am feeling this.
"....I miss you when I breathe" |
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