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I. Cavalcade
By the time your heart stopped pummeling my chest
I realized that it was only the day ready to begin
And again the sun was rising without having to be asked to
The alarm clock has been squalling all morning
but the streets of Austin
and Holland still sleep oblivious to everything
I woke up early today
just to watch the news
"no chance for dry shoes or truth,"
the lady with the straight teeth said.
"The air outside is going to be thick with the blues."
Maybe it'll be changing soon
The fat man said there's to be a changing of the king
But I wouldn't bet on these things
Not even if Tim Donaghy was the referee
a bar was being raised downtown
everyone was acting proud
but we were really all just nervous.
people are going everywhere
people are going nowhere
the rest of us are just stuck here.
Our life's interpretive history
evolving every day
if we gave it a name
it just wouldn't be as special
Im a loser
Im a god
Im a different bird but the same song carries on
The sunny flourishes of piano that danced from my grandmother's hands
The sauntering drums that rolled & popped when you lay ontop of me
am i an echo?
Or am I just waiting for a floating kidney to wake me up.
how long until summer comes again?
were her eyes blue or green?
roses or daises?
eventually it all runs together like melted ice cream
trading years for my hair and teeth
by now Ive forgotten what all the saddness was for
Today, today there is no sign of dawn in the skies
So I left you asleep on the bed...
I grabbed my bread crumbs, keys and the squeak of the door.
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Comment by: AMorgan - 2007-11-04 19:06
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| There's definitely a lot going on here-- a lot of beautiful, rich imagery to play with! If you really wanna break it down, I'd suggest possibly separating this poem (whether that be stanzas or number sections)- sometimes that can help to clarify what's a necessity to the poem or not, and what the true meaning (to you) really is :)Lovely! |
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| one more thing I forgot...you have so many ideas in one here, maybe it would be cool if you seperated some of these ideas into another poem on its own? it may help with the "meshing"...ok, I'm done! awesome job |
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| i really like this piece...you have a lot of really clever images and phrases...I would definitely consider playing around with the format though so it reads a little easier and flows a bit better...I'm a big fan of line breaks so maybe breaking up the lines could give a lot more meaning and look good visually on the page...just a thought, overall though the content is a really nice read. |
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| Are you a song writer? I would love to see this performed-- you have some definite rhythm and it's nice to (finally) read a good poem on this site. It's obvious that you've written a lot. |
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| in the last part i suggest that you end it with"so i left you asleep on the bed and i grabbed my keys, and headed for the door. " just a suggestion in my humble opinion it just needs to be ended right.feel free to critize me too. ineed all the help i can get.lol |
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