writing community
Sign In Here | Lost Password | FREE Sign Up
E-mail: Password:
Remember login  
The place for writers:
Upload your writing in minutes, receive peer feedback from other writers, poets, authors, then get your work published out there in the real world.       Learn how other writers are doing it.

 
turnthepage
Jeremy Ellett
United States, Texas, Austin

Words: 310
Access: Public
Comments: 5

Forward to a friend
Print Version
E-mail this writer E-mail this user 
View Author profile
Add to Readers  




I. Cavalcade

By the time your heart stopped pummeling my chest
I realized that it was only the day ready to begin
And again the sun was rising without having to be asked to
The alarm clock has been squalling all morning
but the streets of Austin
and Holland still sleep oblivious to everything

I woke up early today
just to watch the news
"no chance for dry shoes or truth,"
the lady with the straight teeth said.
"The air outside is going to be thick with the blues."
Maybe it'll be changing soon
The fat man said there's to be a changing of the king
But I wouldn't bet on these things
Not even if Tim Donaghy was the referee

a bar was being raised downtown
everyone was acting proud
but we were really all just nervous.

people are going everywhere
people are going nowhere
the rest of us are just stuck here.

Our life's interpretive history
evolving every day
if we gave it a name
it just wouldn't be as special
Im a loser
Im a god
Im a different bird but the same song carries on
The sunny flourishes of piano that danced from my grandmother's hands
The sauntering drums that rolled & popped when you lay ontop of me

am i an echo?
Or am I just waiting for a floating kidney to wake me up.
how long until summer comes again?
were her eyes blue or green?
roses or daises?
eventually it all runs together like melted ice cream
trading years for my hair and teeth
by now Ive forgotten what all the saddness was for

Today, today there is no sign of dawn in the skies
So I left you asleep on the bed...
I grabbed my bread crumbs, keys and the squeak of the door.

Want to comment on this Poetry?
Sign up to Edit Red and you will be able to comment on Poetry and get access to: Upload your own stories and poems, get readers and their feedback, promote your work...
Sign up






[Back to top]
Comments  
AMorgan Comment by: AMorgan - 2007-11-04 19:06
Add to Readers
      
There's definitely a lot going on here-- a lot of beautiful, rich imagery to play with! If you really wanna break it down, I'd suggest possibly separating this poem (whether that be stanzas or number sections)- sometimes that can help to clarify what's a necessity to the poem or not, and what the true meaning (to you) really is :)Lovely!
poeticsoul Comment by: poeticsoul - 2007-11-01 14:10
Add to Readers
      
one more thing I forgot...you have so many ideas in one here, maybe it would be cool if you seperated some of these ideas into another poem on its own? it may help with the "meshing"...ok, I'm done! awesome job
poeticsoul Comment by: poeticsoul - 2007-11-01 14:07
Add to Readers
      
i really like this piece...you have a lot of really clever images and phrases...I would definitely consider playing around with the format though so it reads a little easier and flows a bit better...I'm a big fan of line breaks so maybe breaking up the lines could give a lot more meaning and look good visually on the page...just a thought, overall though the content is a really nice read.
Paige Lehmann Comment by: Paige Lehmann - 2007-10-31 03:39
Add to Readers
      
Are you a song writer? I would love to see this performed-- you have some definite rhythm and it's nice to (finally) read a good poem on this site. It's obvious that you've written a lot.
psycolover Comment by: psycolover - 2007-10-31 01:14
Add to Readers
      
in the last part i suggest that you end it with"so i left you asleep on the bed and i grabbed my keys, and headed for the door. " just a suggestion in my humble opinion it just needs to be ended right.feel free to critize me too. ineed all the help i can get.lol
1

Sponsored Ads


Added to Library of:

By turnthepage

Featured Writers

Advertising - Terms & Conditions - Short Story Submissions - Contact - Writing Competitions - Writing Links - Book Promotion - Sky-Tribe.com - alanemmins.com
  Member short stories, poems, comments and other contributions are owned by the poster.
Copyright 2003 - 2007 Edit Red I/S