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Paigerella
Paige Lehmann
United States, California, San Francisco

Words: 102
Access: Public
Comments: 1

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Una Vita Fa in Perugia

The tropical greens, enveloping
leaves, Frieda in frieze,
rose hips and ripe Madonnas.
The paint that curves over loneliness
and selfish needs. The disasters
in America, colliding dishes,
collateral of voices,
a meeting in tomorrow.
Slight of hand, touch
of headache, sugar packet,
heads turned. Promises of snow.
She carved a space with silver spoon,
Prisoner of time. Small bar,
lectures of Hemingway and
posters of pistols and wine.
The selfish needs. The fall to knees.
The whispered prayer, the wedding ring.
The friends painted on the walls.
Eternal blue, birds in wing,
frozen moments, severed seconds.


c Paige Lehmann, San Francisco 2007

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Comments  
champagne Comment by: champagne Online- 2007-11-02 10:35
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I love the way you've alluded to narcotics and addiction in this poem. The hopelessness expressed here "The fall to knees/The whispered prayer" all through line breaks and enjambment.

Then, you express such loss and longing "The friends painted on the walls." I can perfectly imagine the long line of names on the Vietnam Memorial.

(I returned to this comment to add that I've just been to your page and have looked at the art of the street murals of Perugia. What a clever muse living with you!)

All that could possibly improve this poem is to break from traditional punctuation rules and get a little innovative with structure; possibly through using double breaks and indents to emphasize particular thoughts.

I adore ee cummings for paving the path to creative poetics, now you could include a few formatting tricks and lose the caps and periods, to make your poem genuinely outstanding, in my view at least.
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