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antunes
Ana C. Antunes
Brazil, Santos (My treasured Island)

Words: 164
Access: Public
Comments: 3

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The Count

At the castle there was a banquet.
The Count invited her in.
She watched him opening a vein.
He poured his blood into her chalice,
"This will heal you", he said in malice.
And she tried to scream in vain.

He pressed his tongue on her neck.
She saw her own blood on her chest.
She tried to escape from this fate,
But it was already too late.
He'd inserted her his sharp teeth,
licking the red liquid from beneath.

He poisoned her heart with his spell.
When she fought against it, she fell.

That dirty liquid injected in her blood,
with poison coming out from his crud,
a yellowish-brown mud mixed with his own part,
horrendous sensation of an insect reaching her heart.

But inside herself she could feel no more control,
as if a dark beetle had crawled on her skin.
It went directly into her bloodstream.
Like a shot,
it arrived to the desired spot,
Her precious soul.

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Comments  
karjon Comment by: karjon - 2007-11-08 05:49
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Eeeow - Ana, this is horribly well described. That awful liquid coming from his mouth, the insect references - really made my skin crawl.

First sentence reads a little awkwardly, as though she is expected to bring the banquet, if you know what I mean - could do with re-phrasing to get the real meaning across.

Cheers

Karen
antunes Comment by: antunes - 2007-11-06 09:38
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This was taken from my second novel "Ice Stage" which I wrote right after the September Eleven, hence the spooky stance. Thanks for noticing that she did indeed expect that overcome. Cheers! Ana
Informal Grae Comment by: Informal Grae - 2007-11-03 01:46
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Spooky images, Ana. losing her soul to the vampire, losing feeling and self. The journey of the 'yellowish-brown mud mixed with his own sliva' and the 'dark beetle' really showed more depth than we get from th usual vampire images. We know he bites and she is enslaved, but you have gone further with your words. That moment when she loses independent thought is well explored.

But, did she not expect that her assignation would lead to this outcome?

Thank you for the read, Ana

take care - Grae.
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By antunes

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