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antunes
Ana C. Antunes
Brazil, Santos (My treasured Island)

Words: 150
Access: Public
Comments: 2

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Limits of Love

Strolling along that lake brought him too many remembrances, so he sat down. She had drowned, not quite on that pool, but in the sea of passion and madness. Yet he was the one who fought against the idea of dipping into a deep labyrinth and dark hollow. The boat was about to sink but he didn't know either.

He insisted on trying to keep things smooth by denying the existence of any turbulence. He should have seen that coming, though it passed like a ball running directly to the pins. He was too dull to even recall why he couldn’t see the avalanche. But it was there.

He left her a note over the bench. It was the last time he would sit there.

“Good-bye to you, darling,” he heard her whispering. He then breathed in deeply. He just knew she'd found a place called Peace.

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Comments  
karjon Comment by: karjon - 2007-11-08 05:54
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The whole story is a metaphor for a descent into depression that ends a relationship, yes? Or is there a literal drowning too? Is he contemplating suicide at the end, breathing the water in deep si he can join her?

A lot of nice descriptions - some phrases a little confusing e.g. 'He was too dull' - I think 'numb' mightbe better than 'dull'.

Thanks for the read, Ana.

Cheers

Karen
Informal Grae Comment by: Informal Grae Online- 2007-11-03 01:53
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'He then breath(ed) in deeply.'

A sad tale of parting and loss.

'why he couldn’t see the wet.' may be better as 'why he couldn't see the water' as 'wet' is very non-specific.

I loved the alliteration of:
'the idea of dipping into a deep labyrinth and dark hollow.'

Would 'darling' be better than 'dear'? I feel that 'dear' is too formal for a relationship, Just a thought.

Sad and thoughtful write, Ana, but may need a few changes to get your mesage across clearly.

Thank you for the read - Grae.
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